(for 21+ only, obviously)

It’s Oscar season! A season fondly known to us in Isla Vista as the one right before the stress of finals ensues. But why have a boring night in? I mean, if Ryan Gosling is going to be at the Oscars, then why shouldn’t we go, too? And by “go,” of course, we mean attend virtually, in the comfort of our own sweatpants and TV rooms. So make a night out of it. Gather your friends and do what you do best: drink.


First things first, pick your poison. Choose which type of liquor/liqueur you will be taking shots of based on which movie you want to win the ultimate title of Best Picture. Do any of these have a rhyme or reason? Probably not, but they fit somewhat with their respective movies, so let’s just go with it:

“The Big Short” — rum

“Bridge of Spies” — vodka

“Brooklyn” — whiskey

“Mad Max: Fury Road” — fireball

“The Martian” — Chartreuse (green liqueur)

“The Revenant” — tequila

“Room” — gin

“Spotlight” — brandy


Take a shot…

  • start off with a shot just because you can
  • every time someone thanks their agent before they thank their mom
  • every time you hear #oscarssowhite (half-shot for every actor you can think of not in attendance because they’re boycotting the Oscars)
  • when someone at your viewing party makes commentary about how many of the movies they’ve seen and attempt to enlighten you with their very important opinions
  • if, at any point, someone trips over their own dress *cough cough* Jennifer Lawrence
  • when a joke that the host or award announcer makes just misses the mark
  • every time the screen pans to George Clooney and/or Brad Pitt (because we know they will both be there and looking handsome as per usual)
  • whenever someone makes a joke about Leo never winning an Oscar
  • whenever a host mentions the “Straight Outta Compton” snubs
  • any time a celebrity makes a personal plug for a product and/or organization that really only serves to benefit themselves
  • whenever a musical performer misses a note or messes up the words
  • if an announcer mispronounces someone’s name — we’re looking at you, Travolta


Start chugging…

  • if Leo doesn’t win an Oscar (we love you, Leo, it’s 2016, you deserve one at this point)
  • if anything other than “Inside Out” wins Best Animated Feature Film
  • if the power goes out in I.V. and you miss something important
  • if you’ve paused a couple times so you’re behind and then Twitter spoils an award announcement for you



  • Take a quick snack break during any of the musical performances you don’t really care about
  • Call your absent friends to gossip about the show during one of the eight previews for the Best Picture candidates
  • Go to the bathroom when an accountant comes out (possibly with the briefcase); this is the accountant representing the firm that counted the votes

Happy viewing, and happy drinking! Follow @Nexustentialism on Twitter for live commentary and updates during this year’s Oscars today, Sunday, Feb. 28!