Timely Warning: Protect Our Raccoons
Warning: This article may contain material that some readers may find triggering, alarming or upsetting.
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If Tour Guides Told the Truth
Thinking back to the 27 college tours your mother made you go on, do you really think all of those tour guides told you the truth about their schools?
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Fledgling Beach Cruiser Gang Terrorizes Campus
Recent police reports suggest that a new biker gang, known formally as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsuirs, has started to infiltrate the various bike racks of UCSB’s campus.
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Beach Cruiser Biker Gangs Strike Terror in the Hearts of UCSB Students
Recent reports show a new biker gang, formally known as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsers, has infiltrated our beloved UCSB campus.
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How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break
For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.
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7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo
Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!
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Spending for All Arts Programs Cut by the UC System
This decision cuts UC spending for all arts programs and is effective immediately.
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Spirit of Andrew Jackson visits President Trump with New Domestic Policy Proposals
A recent tweet released by President Trump made mention of a “huge historical inspiration” from a good friend he “would’ve done business with.”
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Featured Comic
Please Don’t Try to Bike Over the Hump Pls
Labyrinth: Grades Search
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Do: Practice being respectful. Don’t: Get caught up saying yes to all the Arbor's tablers.
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Do: Grab a coffee at Cajé. Don’t: Scooter to Campbell Hall.
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Do: Self-reflection. Don’t: Wear flip-flops to your 9 a.m. class.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Do: Go to CLAS. Don’t: Keep spending money at Freebirds.
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Do: Watch a peaceful Campus Point sunrise. Don’t: Slap your ex on DP.
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Do: Give a new coffee spot a chance. Don’t: “Sleep through” your 8 a.m. class. Again.
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Do: Take a moment to breathe. Don’t: Flake on your Hinge date.
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Do: Use your dining hall plan. Don’t: Scroll through GauchoGuys during lecture.
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Do: Visit your TA. Don’t: Use Thriftopia as an excuse to binge spend.
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Do: Start applying to internships. Don’t: Hook up on campus.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Do: Bow down to Chancellor Yang when you see him. Don’t: Fall off your bike.
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Do: Pick up the Daily Nexus. Don’t: Ignore your parents’ texts.
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