Lil Furnace

April 25, 2018

Timely Warning: Protect Our Raccoons

By Lil Furnace

Warning: This article may contain material that some readers may find triggering, alarming or upsetting.

May 31, 2017

If Tour Guides Told the Truth

By Lil Furnace

Thinking back to the 27 college tours your mother made you go on, do you really think all of those tour guides told you the truth about their schools?

April 27, 2017

Fledgling Beach Cruiser Gang Terrorizes Campus

By Lil Furnace

Recent police reports suggest that a new biker gang, known formally as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsuirs, has started to infiltrate the various bike racks of UCSB’s campus.

April 21, 2017

Beach Cruiser Biker Gangs Strike Terror in the Hearts of UCSB Students

By Lil Furnace

Recent reports show a new biker gang, formally known as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsers, has infiltrated our beloved UCSB campus.

March 30, 2017

How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break

By Lil Furnace

For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.

March 28, 2017

7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo

By Lil Furnace

Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!

March 2, 2017

Spending for All Arts Programs Cut by the UC System

By Lil Furnace

This decision cuts UC spending for all arts programs and is effective immediately.

February 21, 2017

Spirit of Andrew Jackson visits President Trump with New Domestic Policy Proposals

By Lil Furnace

A recent tweet released by President Trump made mention of a “huge historical inspiration” from a good friend he “would’ve done business with.”