Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
At approximately 1:17 pm, it was reported that the entire UCSB campus network went down, but your boyfriend still won’t. In fact, the UCSB wifi goes down on you all the time, but can you remember th...
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UC SANTA BARBARA - At approximately 1:17 p.m. this Wednesday, the UCSB campus network went down. This resulted in the loss of internet access across the entire campus in addition to the loss of access...
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As the second weekend of the famous music festival Coachella came to a close this Sunday, many Gauchos returned to Isla Vista with great memories, debt and hangovers. Not wanting to ever forget their ...
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Recently, Gauchospace released yet another of its periodic site updates — this time including the addition of each user’s student ID photo to its homepage, which students must access in order to v...
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In 2018, “Florida Man” became a natural phenomenon in pop culture. While not honing in on one specific individual, the term “Florida Man” has been used to encompass the community of strange in...
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The entirety of the houses on Trigo Road have been purchased by a local investor, who claims that rising sea levels will turn Trigo into “the new DP.”
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Jesus has officially endorsed Nexustentialism! Watch this to learn more about what Christ and the angels think of the best satire section on Earth (and heaven).
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Hey, Gauchos! We know graduation is just around the corner, and with that energy on the horizon, we at Nexustentialism would love to provide some insight into post-grad options for both graduating sen...
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In an attempt to squeeze every dollar and cent out of her tuition, second-year Penney Pinscher has taken to the sidewalks of UCSB this last weekend looking to pull a fast one on those tabling for club...
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In an email released yesterday, Chancellor Yang wrote the student body to enforce the use of footwear during Spring Insight.
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With only months until graduation, fourth-year global studies major Charlie Andrews has reportedly been experiencing a crippling panic of deciding which of his parent’s business mogul friends he sho...
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After many years of Arbor tabling, hard work and general disruption, CALPIRG has announced that they will be shutting down for good after acquiring their 100,000th student signature, enough to finally...
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‘Twas a brave, young fellow indeed who stepped out of his front door onto the streets of Isla Vista last weekend, wiping away tears and wearing a Golden State jersey in place of the usual (and prefe...
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In a completely unsurprising turn of events, third-year Anita Bath, a member of the Gaucho Tour Association, has reportedly walked backward into Hell. Walking backward, a skill that many tour leaders ...
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Due to concerns regarding the drunken rowdiness, tomfoolery and other miscellaneous shenaniganz that have come to be associated with Deltopia celebrations, the I.V. Foot Patrol declared martial law in...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
