Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
In 2018, “Florida Man” became a natural phenomenon in pop culture. While not honing in on one specific individual, the term “Florida Man” has been used to encompass the community of strange in...
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The entirety of the houses on Trigo Road have been purchased by a local investor, who claims that rising sea levels will turn Trigo into “the new DP.”
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Jesus has officially endorsed Nexustentialism! Watch this to learn more about what Christ and the angels think of the best satire section on Earth (and heaven).
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Hey, Gauchos! We know graduation is just around the corner, and with that energy on the horizon, we at Nexustentialism would love to provide some insight into post-grad options for both graduating sen...
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In an attempt to squeeze every dollar and cent out of her tuition, second-year Penney Pinscher has taken to the sidewalks of UCSB this last weekend looking to pull a fast one on those tabling for club...
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In an email released yesterday, Chancellor Yang wrote the student body to enforce the use of footwear during Spring Insight.
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With only months until graduation, fourth-year global studies major Charlie Andrews has reportedly been experiencing a crippling panic of deciding which of his parent’s business mogul friends he sho...
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After many years of Arbor tabling, hard work and general disruption, CALPIRG has announced that they will be shutting down for good after acquiring their 100,000th student signature, enough to finally...
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‘Twas a brave, young fellow indeed who stepped out of his front door onto the streets of Isla Vista last weekend, wiping away tears and wearing a Golden State jersey in place of the usual (and prefe...
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In a completely unsurprising turn of events, third-year Anita Bath, a member of the Gaucho Tour Association, has reportedly walked backward into Hell. Walking backward, a skill that many tour leaders ...
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Due to concerns regarding the drunken rowdiness, tomfoolery and other miscellaneous shenaniganz that have come to be associated with Deltopia celebrations, the I.V. Foot Patrol declared martial law in...
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Everyone knows that Deltopia is like Christmas for cops, but instead of gifts, they’re giving out Minor In Possession (MIP) tickets. Though most noobs get an MIP for alcohol possession, we here at N...
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Holla cater-cousins! 'Tis I, L'rd Walt'r de Bolbec, coming to thee liveth from the 68 block of Del Playa f'r an occasion hath called Deltopia! I has't hath heard it is quite valorous excit'ment and yo...
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In an emergency meeting last night, Associated Students declared that Deltopia will be moved to Fortuna Lane in order to avoid the increasing police presence seen over the last couple years.
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Tragedy struck Isla Vista last week, administering a blow to the student population right in the heart of their most coveted and vital survival tool: coffee.
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
