Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
In an email from UCSB Housing, Dining & Auxiliary Enterprises, it was announced that the head chef and meal planner for Ortega Dining Commons has regained his sense of taste after 20 years of being be...
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As we near the end of Spring Quarter, evaluations are imminent. TAs around campus are reporting a creeping feeling as if their future as graduate students could be ruined by a few asshole undergrads. ...
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DEL PLAYA DRIVE — Late one fateful night on Week 9 of Spring Quarter, resident senior and party connoisseur Ollie Tabooger was hit with a fleeting epiphany. Reflecting on his last four years of part...
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Officer Gregory Dillweed has officially retired from I.V. Foot Patrol after 14 years of proud service because he could not overcome Isla Vista’s most dangerous natural predator: sassy drunk girls.
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It is with much delight that the Nexus presents the recipients of this week’s character spotlight: the Storke Plaza ducklings! These nine little angels have graced Storke Plaza pond with their lovel...
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The Nexus recently conducted an interview with well-known phallic symbol and campus icon, Storke Tower, in hopes of learning more about the inner machinations of the enigmatic mind of the landmark. Fo...
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This Monday, modern-day saint, Benedict Dope Paul II refused to let a single sneeze in his 300-person lecture hall go unblessed. Shocked onlookers witnessed this modern crusader bravely serve his fell...
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This past weekend was Jack Johnson’s birthday! So, here at the Nexus, we just wanted to wish Jack Johnson a happy birthday! Jack Johnson’s birthday this year will be his 44th. Not many people know...
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This week, UCSB announced that it will start breaking ground for the College of Jack Johnson, a department within the university that is dedicated to Jack Johnson studies. Johnson, an alumnus at UCSB,...
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A series of successful events from A.S. Program Board came to a grinding halt on Sunday when 2019’s Extravaganza was determined to be the biggest clusterfuck in recent memory. It appears that Progra...
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It seems Kappa Kappa Gumbo has gotten itself into another legal fiasco, this time for enraging the goth community. The culprit? Doc Martens.
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A school-wide study conducted by UCSB’s Department of Communication revealed that 100% of long-distance relationships based out of UCSB would rapidly implode if the couple ever spent extensive time ...
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In a miraculous turn of events last week, midterms on UCSB campus became mysteriously musical. Surely every student who has had the misfortune of slogging through the college cold and flu season (whic...
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ISLA VISTA — Graduating senior Bob Lee-Fluids seductively laid upon his hand-me-down couch in his Del Playa home contemplating the last four years of his college experience. He looked lovingly upon ...
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Pop! Third-year UC Santa Barbara student Anthony Wheeler knew the sound all too well. The back inner tube of his bike had popped and soon the sound of grinding metal on concrete soon grew apparent as ...
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Chronically single
“Casual” by Chappell Roan
“Atmosphere” by FISHER
The entire shared playlist with their ex
“Je te laisserai des mots” by Patrick Watson
“If Only” by The Marías
Their ex’s old voice memos
White noise
“ceilings” by Lizzy McAlpine
“Marvins Room” by Drake
“KLOusFRENS” by Bad Bunny
“Somebody Else” by The 1975
