Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
While California’s drought has momentarily subsided, an even worse drought has struck the UC Santa Barbara campus: a drought… of clout. The UCSB sociology department defines a clout drought as...
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In shocking developments during this week’s graduate student occupation of Cheadle Hall, a mountain party had reportedly broken out on the top floor of the building, bringing the sounds of EDM to th...
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FT’s 12th-floor bulletin board was recently replaced with a pair of massive clay tablets, into which the new floor rules have been hand-chiseled. These new rules, as well as their method of proclama...
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Student Health staffers were astonished this week by the staggering number of sex-related injuries presented to Student Health for treatment following this year’s 3-day Valentine’s weekend. Althou...
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On Wednesday, President Trump signed an executive order requiring the U.S. Department of Education to create a new student loan deferral program allowing students who find themselves in more debt than...
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We often find love in the strangest places, whether it’s 11 shots deep at Sandbar or in the 8 a.m. Friday section where you look more like roadkill with a pulse than a college student. For second-ye...
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DAVIDSON LIBRARY — Reports have surfaced that the long-dormant eldritch monster residing under Davidson Library has grown restless due to a burgeoning hunger that can no longer be sated by our measl...
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UC Santa Barbara officials announced Tuesday that an all-new student-resource department would be making its way to campus in the fall of 2020: the Department of Student Vibes. In the brand-new Studen...
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Earlier this week, sophomore Alex Graham decided to mix things up for once and walk around campus barefoot, as if he were a paleolithic caveman roaming the wild prehistoric savannah. According to Grah...
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BUCHANAN HALL — Following a senseless act of vandalism in the Buchanan girls bathrooms, Chancellor Henry Yang released a statement today announcing that the bathroom privileges previously enjoyed by...
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ORTEGA DINING COMMONS ‒ A shallow pool of wasted waffle batter solemnly finds itself spread out upon a pitiful tin pan underneath the machine for which it was intended. For second-year student Emma ...
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Concluding this chapter of British history last week, the UK has officially left the European Union. However, in a surprising turn of events, the island nation opted to join a different coalition: the...
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ISLA VISTA, CALIF. — Third-year student Lindsay Thompson has been turning heads this frigid winter quarter in the classic tube top and miniskirt combo — but Thompson, a Santa Barbara six at best, ...
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With the changing of the year, we had to bid farewell to a beloved staple of Isla Vistan life: flavored vape pods. We at the Nexus are taking this departure especially hard, but fear not! I am here to...
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Getting ghosted is never fun, a relationship you felt was heading somewhere is completely obliterated by radio silence. But, getting ghosted by the guy who works at the University Center (UCen) Starbu...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
