A. Wiessass / Daily Nexus
As middle and high school students were forced out of the classroom and onto the internet as a result of COVID-19, teachers across the nation have realized that some of the hardest classes to teach in a virtual setting are those with the most sensitive curriculums, such as sex education.
Confused about the male and female reproductive systems? Trying to comprehend the wonder of conception? Look no further, kids, for creative teachers are employing the academic help of one of the busiest and most successful websites in the world: Pornhub.
“Honestly, it’s not that much different from Khan Academy or Crash Course,” local health teacher Gordon Shue proclaimed. “Kids these days now have the opportunity to be intimately familiar with the mechanics of procreation on an extremely graphic level. Why watch Sal Khan when you can watch Mia Khalifa? ”
While parents may be apprehensive about exposing their impressionable preteens and teens to the seedy world of amateur videos and glossy adult productions alike, local schools are assuring them that their methods are necessary, if a bit aggressive.
Biology teacher Sarah Mullens is adamant that playing “Busty MILF Gets Dicked Down by Step-Son” for her eighth-graders has taught them more about erogenous zones and genital anatomy than any previous curriculum has.
“Their understanding of the subject matter has really blown me away,” Mullens said incredulously. “No other way of teaching is quite as effective. However, I’ve noticed that more and more students are muting their mics and turning off their cameras during the videos. I wonder why.”
Health teacher Simon Chandrasekhar has also spoken highly of the curriculum’s positive effects on his students. “Record numbers of students are coming into my office hours to stream videos and discuss concepts. I never thought that watching ‘Teen Slut Gets Tied Up and Spanked’ could spark a serious discussion about the importance of consent and safety in the BDSM realm.”
The students aren’t the only ones who are learning a lot through this new teaching style. Teachers are also being exposed to new terms and methods through their increased browsing of adult websites. “Before this year, I didn’t even know what ‘pegging’ was,” Chandrasekhar exclaimed. “And I’m 36!”
Valerie Fu has never watched a single porn video in her life, she swears.
A version of this article appeared on pg. 5 of the November 12 print edition of the Daily Nexus
