Sad! You Were Expecting a Nexustentialism Article, But I Was Too Depressed To Write One
That’s it, that’s the article.
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UCSB Eases Admission Requirements, “Pants No Longer Required”
The long-awaited decision came after weeks of pantsless Zoom-call deliberation among COVID-19 response staff.
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Sad! Girl in Quarantine Running Out of Boys to Drunk Text
Half a bottle of raspberry Smirnoff seeped into the carpet of UC Santa Barbara sophomore Sarah Varelli’s room in her parents’ lavish upper-middle-class Temecula home Thursday night after ...
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UCSB Employees You’re Legally Allowed To Fuck
You’re back at it again, you sick hedonist! If you’ve spent the entirety of fall quarter desperately scouring around campus for a mere crumb of physical affection, scour no further — Nexustentia...
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Comic of the Week
Comic | Catching Up With Friends During Quarantine
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Fur-covered Lulus and Crocs
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Walks around the house without a shirt on, even though the neighbors keep giving you funny looks
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
3-year-old leggings that are starting to rip from all the chafing
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Basketball shorts all day, every day because ball is (still) life
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Old T-shirts from high school
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Hot sauce-stained pajama pants
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Oversized T-shirts with knee-high socks
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Wears a blanket like a cape while walking to the kitchen for the third time in the last 10 minutes
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
A paint-covered smock
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Your significant other’s ratty sweatshirt that you pretend still smells like them after two months
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
The skimpiest bathing suit to get the best tan ever
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Homemade tie-dye sweat outfits
Icons made by bqlqn from www.flaticon.com
