Kyle DeNile from Newport Beach, had lots to say about Isla Vista’s disparity from Pengu Island. “Things are off to a rocky start. I haven’t met even one former surf star who faked his own death ...
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Disclaimer: This article is a humorous interpretation of the events of the past few days of the kind-of-a-city-but-not-really of Isla Vista, California. If you do not live in Isla Vista, you may not u...
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While classics such as “Fuck You, Flavored Cream Cheese” will always hold a special place in our hearts, we have found it necessary to move on to bigger, bolder, more bountiful horizons of content...
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“Please … please, I’m begging … they took everything from me …” a footless, maskless partygoer in pain moaned. Her 20 crop-top-donning companions sprinted away in a fashion not unlike a ga...
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“Book book, study study! Ooga booga, horny!”
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"when questioned as to 'what the hell they’re gonna do with all those shitty little beds,' Jared shrugged and gestured to a ceiling-high pile of loaves of white bread in the corner of his room. What...
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With this delicious new dish, naturally, comes the question, “which part of the tursnowyploverducken am I?” Complete this festive little quiz to find out!
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Members of club sports teams, if they haven’t already retreated to the darkest corners of their homes in shame, are reported to have continued doing jumping jacks in their living rooms, dreaming the...
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"Wearing Tillys was a pretty good form of abstinence until it started physically repulsing my close friends and family."
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The University of California has recently made the landmark decision to embark into a new frontier of educational possibilities: The Zoom classes utilized for remote instruction during the Spring Quar...
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That’s it, that’s the article.
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The long-awaited decision came after weeks of pantsless Zoom-call deliberation among COVID-19 response staff.
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Half a bottle of raspberry Smirnoff seeped into the carpet of UC Santa Barbara sophomore Sarah Varelli’s room in her parents’ lavish upper-middle-class Temecula home Thursday night after ...
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You’re back at it again, you sick hedonist! If you’ve spent the entirety of fall quarter desperately scouring around campus for a mere crumb of physical affection, scour no further — Nexustentia...
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Fistfight
Krispy Kreme perks
Make out with strangers
Walk on DP barefoot
See your plug again
Lick door handles
Actually meet up with your Tinder matches
Go to church
Public intoxication
Scream (open-mouthed) into the void
Body shots
Actually remain socially distanced and keep wearing your fucking mask, thank you
