Emma Demorest / Daily Nexus

Wakey, wakey! The trend train is chugging into town this Thanksgiving to bring you the newest stuffed-bird dinner fad. Step aside, turducken —, the tursnowyploverducken is here! The turkey is now thrice as stuffed as it would be in any other typical white imperialist-worshipping holiday dinner — and something about that endangered species just gives it that extra spice that plain turkeys all too often lack! With this delicious new dish, naturally, comes the question, “which part of the tursnowyploverducken am I?” Complete this festive little quiz to find out!


  1. How would you best describe yourself?
    1. Flavorless
    2. Bland
    3. Needs Seasoning
    4. Exotic!
  2. How do you typically spend your weekends?
    1. Just generally causing a ruckus
    2. Being fucking annoying, eating others’ food
    3. Getting beauty sleep
    4. Being endangered
  3. What type of alcohol do you identify with?
    1. Fireball
    2. Grey Goose
    3. White Claw
    4. Malibu
  4. Pick a meal.
    1. Idk, whatever I can get my grubby little hands on
    2. Bread crumbs
    3. Human flesh
    4. Marine worms
  5. Where do you live?
    1. With the bros
    2. Pond :)
    3. Probably some farm somewhere? Idk
    4. That shack at Campus Point, you know the one
  6. What is your favorite quarantine activity?
    1. Spreading COVID-19
    2. Being sexy
    3. Gobbling
    4. Making jokes about suicide (and then going to therapy)
  7. Which item would you dig out of the trash with your beak?
    1. Beak too small! :(
    2. Anarchy
    3. A dozen gold doubloons 
    4. A fallen brother
  8. What kind of rice do you most strongly identify with?
    1. Plain rice, nothin’ fancy about it, just like we make back home
    2. Jasmine rice
    3. Fried rice
    4. Candy corn
  9. What is your white boy name, bitch?
    1. Jake
    2. Ethan
    3. Turkey
    4. Brendan
  10. How are you? And don’t lie.
    1. BAD!
    2. BAD (but with shiny feathers)!
    3. BAD (but flightless)!
    4. Critically endangered :(
  11. Have you ever tried coke?
    1. Once or twice
    2. Never, but I wanna
    3. Never, but I don’t wanna
    4. I am a bird
  12. Which god do you worship?
    1. Stuart Little
    2. Allah
    3. Turkey
    4. I’m more spiritual
  13. What is your favorite Nexustentialism article?
    1. This one! Great job, author!
    2. I don’t read Nexustentialism
    3. What the fuck is Nexustentialism?
    4. Next a tent shill is ‘em.


Mostly A’s: Chicken

Mostly B’s: Duck

Mostly C’s: Turkey

Mostly D’s: Snowy Plover


Natalie Kothergirls is never writing another quiz again because this one was hard.


Natalie Kothergirls
I'm here to chew bubble gum and write satire... and I'm all out of bubble gum.