Natalie Kothergirls

I'm here to chew bubble gum and write satire... and I'm all out of bubble gum.

May 20, 2020

Sad! You Were Expecting a Nexustentialism Article, But I Was Too Depressed To Write One

By Natalie Kothergirls

That’s it, that’s the article.

May 12, 2020

UCSB Eases Admission Requirements, “Pants No Longer Required”

By Natalie Kothergirls

The long-awaited decision came after weeks of pantsless Zoom-call deliberation among COVID-19 response staff.

April 16, 2020

Sad! Girl in Quarantine Running Out of Boys to Drunk Text

By Natalie Kothergirls

Half a bottle of raspberry Smirnoff seeped into the carpet of UC Santa Barbara sophomore Sarah Varelli’s room in her parents’ lavish upper-middle-class Temecula home Thursday night after “taking shots with t...

January 23, 2020

UCSB Employees You’re Legally Allowed To Fuck

By Natalie Kothergirls

You’re back at it again, you sick hedonist! If you’ve spent the entirety of fall quarter desperately scouring around campus for a mere crumb of physical affection, scour no further — Nexustentialism has done your w...