With the dust from the election finally beginning to settle, it’s important to practice self-care techniques to ease your mind from this heinous experience. However, remembering another bizarre or unnecessary Trump tweet can completely derail your day, no matter how long you spent roaming around a zen garden with a hot mug of tea in hand.
- This unwarranted pissing contest between Trump and the Supreme Leader of North Korea regarding button sizes is not something a president should be concerned about at all, but Trump’s insecurity forces him to assert that everything is bigger, better and more functional in America. It might not even be true, but increasing tensions between the United States and North Korea will pour all the stress back on you that your face mask attempted to soak up earlier today.
- When the leaves turn yellow then red, a calming activity is to go outside and get a few steps in amidst the crisp Autumn air. Everything looks so peaceful outside that you might even forget who is currently the president of the United States — until this tweet pops into your mind. Despite the obvious grammatical error Trump is trying to argue against and the lie about writing his own books, he ignores the fact that people should absolutely be poring over his tweets. He’s the president and should be held to a higher standard, but everything is insignificant to him, just like that little stroll you took in the hopes of relieving some stress. Aww, how naive!
- Goddamn it. Here you were, trying to enjoy the smell of a scented candle from Bath & Body Works (which you only treat yourself to once a year), when you remember that Trump believed that a scene from “Curb Your Enthusiasm” was not only real, but painted him in a favorable light. In fact, the scene was making fun of his follower base. The “tough guy” rhetoric and attitude is problematic enough, but you’ll spend the rest of the day agonizing about it instead of remembering the warmth of the candle you lit — a futile attempt to escape the media hellscape we live in. Shit, was it pumpkin spice or peony cherry blossom? Whatever, it doesn’t even matter.
- It’s really cute that you thought meditation would actually clear your thoughts instead of replacing them with worries about 2020’s political climate, because this one from the Democratic debate will pop into your mind anyway. Trump — tweeting like a teenager who just wants attention rather than a politician — has effectively deemed your relaxation attempt worthless, but good on you for trying. Maybe you’ll go for a 15-minute session next week, but when Trump tweets that he was totally kidding when he said to destroy ballot drop-off boxes to “stick it to democracy,” it turns out that won’t work either. Perhaps try a concussion until a week after Nov. 3 to be safe.
Sam Franzini considers throwing his phone off a balcony three times a day.