Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
“I NEEDED STUDY HALL, I NEEDED IT. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. LAST NIGHT WAS MAGICAL. THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE, PROBABLY,” said Brohanski. “THE STAFF THERE ARE HEROES. GODDAMN AMERICAN HEROES.”
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While some communities are slowly starting to reopen to the public, research has shown that social distancing efforts have been continually undermined by men not knowing what 6 feet looks like.
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With no bees left to save, CALPIRG unfortunately had no choice but to move on to the next closest insect.
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Aborian made a point to emphasize that even though he couldn’t see the sleeping faces while he was talking like before, he envisioned them in his head to bring about a sense of normalcy.
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That’s it, that’s the article.
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“I don’t really remember what sex is like at this point,” Laeid said. “So putting my dough in the oven is about as close as I’ll get to seeing anything rise.”
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The long-awaited decision came after weeks of pantsless Zoom-call deliberation among COVID-19 response staff.
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Come take a look at an all-new line of never-before-seen Pandemic-mon, a legally distinct brand of pocket-sized fighting monsters!
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“My mom has no White Claws in the freezer, my little brother isn’t actually a chiller and on the off chance that someone here actually tosses, they all toss low,” Brohanski said.
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Officials from Student Health have urged students to take advantage of this limited-time offer, reminding them that “there’s no time like the present” and that “we’re not in Europe, so what...
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Upon the March 25 announcement that UC Santa Barbara officials had “no intention” to adjust tuition for a remote spring quarter, students were forced to face the harsh reality that all thei...
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With the world all topsy-turvy, you might be looking for someone to guide you in wasting money, especially since many Isla Vista residents will be getting some government-provided “fuck-aroun...
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With the coronavirus pandemic altering every part of life as we know it, people everywhere are taking safety precautions so as to lower the spread. We spoke with one Isla Vista resident, Katie Hudson,...
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Half a bottle of raspberry Smirnoff seeped into the carpet of UC Santa Barbara sophomore Sarah Varelli’s room in her parents’ lavish upper-middle-class Temecula home Thursday night after ...
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Saturday, April 4: a day we mourn what could have been. Ordinarily, the spring quarter is rung in by slammin’ beers with the boys, throwing up in strangers’ yards and blacking out at 11...
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“Greased Lightnin’” from “Grease”
Sunset waltz from “La La Land”
“Thriller” by Michael Jackson
Frat flick
“Macarena” by Los Del Río
“Gangnam Style” by PSY
“Swan Lake” by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
Renegade
“Cell Block Tango” from “Chicago”
“The Last Text” from “Dance Moms”
Flossing
All of “Hamilton”
