Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
“Sure I don’t ‘have walls,’ and maybe I don’t ‘get to be dry’ all the time,” Lopez said, while speaking from the half inflated raft she’s been living in off the coast of Devereux. ...
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“It’s a shame he can’t socially distance his mouth from his nose.”
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“I’ve never felt so seen!” said CSO veteran John Schweineliebhaber, a straight, cisgender, white man studying economics.
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Presidential candidate, Joe Biden, has proudly announced world-renowned DJ, Calvin Harris, as his vice-presidential running mate in the 2020 election in an attempt to unite the American people through...
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Researchers in this sumptuous field of study have put out probes into each of the UC campuses looking to find evidence of bodacious badonkadonks across the UC system. Upon analysis of the resultant da...
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The UC issued a statement that chameleons are probably not on campus but acknowledged that there is a chance that chameleons are all around us.
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“Sure, I’ve been busy checking in on my friends and protesting while also trying not to get COVID, so it’s actually really great that I had to work on final essays and a group project over Zoom,...
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Sometimes, I just have to stop and look back in awe at how far I’ve come in these past few months: from a sickly bat in a Wuhan meat-market all the way across the world to your neighbor’s lukewarm...
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Majors within the College of Creative Studies (previously featured in this paper for the title of stinkiest, and also most tennis shoe) seem to thrive in the role of introvert forced on the nation.
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Since such things like global pandemics, once thought to be outdated, have come back around, why not revive some highlights of yesteryear while we’re at it!
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The University of California has recently made the landmark decision to embark into a new frontier of educational possibilities: The Zoom classes utilized for remote instruction during the Spring Quar...
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“I mean, are we facing major, necessary systemic changes as a country? Sure. Do we live our lives differently because of a deadly untreatable virus? Of course. That’s why I think it’s so importa...
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“I NEEDED STUDY HALL, I NEEDED IT. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. LAST NIGHT WAS MAGICAL. THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE, PROBABLY,” said Brohanski. “THE STAFF THERE ARE HEROES. GODDAMN AMERICAN HEROES.”
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While some communities are slowly starting to reopen to the public, research has shown that social distancing efforts have been continually undermined by men not knowing what 6 feet looks like.
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With no bees left to save, CALPIRG unfortunately had no choice but to move on to the next closest insect.
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A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
The angel that has definitely never gone out
The literal devil
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
