Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

If You Like GauchoSpace, You’ll Love GauchoSpace Live

January 16, 2021 by

GauchoSpace Live and GauchoSpace Premium are in no way, shape or form based on PornHub Live and PornHub Premium. Students who suggest this will be expelled.
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Sad! Donald Trump Has Said “I Love You” to Domestic Terrorists More Than to Own Children

January 15, 2021 by

Likely one of the only times the Trump children have ever witnessed their father using the L-word so brazenly and yet so tenderly, it is almost certain that at least one of them (probably Eric) burst ...
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Brave! TPS Tirelessly Dishing Out Tickets Amidst Pandemic

January 11, 2021 by

“I never once thought about giving up,” third-year and all-around bland man Krac said. “I decided the least I could do was to give UCSB a smidge of normalcy during this tumultuous time.” 
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Library Masturbator Doing Really Badly Right Now

January 9, 2021 by

“Book book, study study! Ooga booga, horny!”
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Confused Campus Republicans Storm UCen

January 8, 2021 by

“Where is Pelosi’s office?” one confused rioter asked as he entered the A.S. Food Bank and stumbled through several rows of canned goods.
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Finally! F.T. To Be Replaced With North and South Subways

January 3, 2021 by

"when questioned as to 'what the hell they’re gonna do with all those shitty little beds,' Jared shrugged and gestured to a ceiling-high pile of loaves of white bread in the corner of his room. What...
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Religious Studies Department Switches Digital Lectures to Astral Projection

January 1, 2021 by

"Now my projected consciousness can learn the intricacies of Pre-Tridentine Catholicism while my body plays Minecraft with the boys!”
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Freshmen To Miss Out On Traditional UCSB Holiday Raccoon Cookout

December 16, 2020 by

Freshmen this year are truly missing out on one of the most unique traditions UCSB has to offer, not to mention the delectable flavor of a campus-raised, spit-roasted raccoon.
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Top Five Curse Words to Watch!

December 2, 2020 by

Every once in a while, you come across a curse word that really sticks, something so profane you’ll be sure to use for the rest of your life. This is not that curse word, but it’s pretty good.
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UCSB Trends to Watch: Chlamydia !

November 27, 2020 by

A recent poll has shown that 52% of Isla Vista residents consider those with chlamydia to be “total downers.” Others opposed to the chlamydia craze have said that they “wished more trends were a...
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QUIZ: Which Part of the Thanksgiving Tursnowyploverducken Are You?

November 27, 2020 by

With this delicious new dish, naturally, comes the question, “which part of the tursnowyploverducken am I?” Complete this festive little quiz to find out!
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I.V. Foot Patrol Becomes I.V. Patrol Due to Relentless Kinkshaming

November 18, 2020 by

The Foot Patrol, formerly recognized as the on-foot Isla Vista police, now spends their time scouring the streets for any sign of feet, whether it’s through a hole in a shoe, sandals or even barefoo...
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Club Sports Teams Now Even More Embarrassing Than Before

November 16, 2020 by

Members of club sports teams, if they haven’t already retreated to the darkest corners of their homes in shame, are reported to have continued doing jumping jacks in their living rooms, dreaming the...
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Local Gaucho Lands HGTV Interior Design Deal for Empty Alcohol Bottles Display

November 12, 2020 by

HGTV is an American television channel that focuses on real estate and home improvement. And what better way to improve your home than to install 13 empty New Amsterdam bottles in the front-facing win...
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Zoom Sex Ed Class Just a Livestream of Pornhub Premium

November 11, 2020 by

Trying to comprehend the wonder of conception? Look no further, kids, for creative teachers are employing the academic help of one of the busiest and most successful websites in the world: Pornhub. 
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