Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
While classics such as “Fuck You, Flavored Cream Cheese” will always hold a special place in our hearts, we have found it necessary to move on to bigger, bolder, more bountiful horizons of content...
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“I miss seeing a little action in a pair of Kohl’s jeans some physics guy’s mom bought for them,” said Ass Woman Junkina Trunk, who went on to admit that she’s had to watch playbacks of “t...
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First, we send all the users who appear to be paying attention to the back to weed out the fucking nerds. Once they’re gone, we rate the rest of the participants on 145 different traits, including ...
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Biggcok has emailed some of her young-ish eligible professors for “assistance with the material.” When asked to specify what type of assistance and with what material, Biggcok failed to produce a ...
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You can now make an appointment on GOLD to be administered Mike’s Hard Vaccine today, or find them being passed out at your local dayger.
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“Please … please, I’m begging … they took everything from me …” a footless, maskless partygoer in pain moaned. Her 20 crop-top-donning companions sprinted away in a fashion not unlike a ga...
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ISLA VISTA – In what experts are calling an unprecedented voter turnout, Lea Toubian was elected A.S. president earlier this month with a landslide of five votes and a total voter count of five. The...
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WASHINGTON –– Following the violent insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, extensive security measures have been planned for the inauguration proceedings this Wednesday. Chief among these is the choice...
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UCSB recently made the decision to reopen select university-owned apartments for Winter 2021 in what we can only assume is an attempt to stop hemorrhaging money. The selective application process allo...
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“The lengthening effect was witnessed almost immediately,” said the Student Health nurse who administered Storke the vaccine. “As was a slight increase in girth, though those effects have yet to...
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GauchoSpace Live and GauchoSpace Premium are in no way, shape or form based on PornHub Live and PornHub Premium. Students who suggest this will be expelled.
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Likely one of the only times the Trump children have ever witnessed their father using the L-word so brazenly and yet so tenderly, it is almost certain that at least one of them (probably Eric) burst ...
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“I never once thought about giving up,” third-year and all-around bland man Krac said. “I decided the least I could do was to give UCSB a smidge of normalcy during this tumultuous time.”
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“Book book, study study! Ooga booga, horny!”
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“Where is Pelosi’s office?” one confused rioter asked as he entered the A.S. Food Bank and stumbled through several rows of canned goods.
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
