Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
“Hey, I’m at the Bike Boutique right now … Really has me thinking that you were always my Bike Boo. I should’ve been more willing to switch gears for you. I just wish we could backpedal and pi...
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Last week, the Gaucho community received exciting news that Oprah Winfrey — entertainment tycoon and one of the nation’s wealthiest self-made women — would be speaking at UC Santa Barbara’s sp...
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Isla Vistan pregamers are thrilled to hear that downtown Santa Barbara — famous for its bustling nightlife — is literally on fire tonight.
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This new surge in popularity of activism-adjacent paraphernalia has led to the overproduction of Instagram infographics to the point of market saturation
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I arrived at Ortega under the cover of darkness, as instructed. I knocked at the door three times and was immediately whisked inside, blindfolded and led to the middle of the dining common.
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“All of you are why we can’t have nice things. We tried to do a good thing and let anyone cancel people that deserved it, but y’all had to go and ruin it”
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I do believe you! But when you’re just making up places that I’ve never heard before, it’s a little suspicious.
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also rnt you supposed to get cravings if you are prengnate? last night I really was craving ice cream. i ate so much of it but i couldn’t taste it right i just needed to eat more and more. that soun...
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As spring slowly turns to Summer, more and more students will be looking to use the pool at the Rec Cen, with no regard to how the lifeguards feel. Unless you’re a decent swimmer, I recommend making...
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“What we’re seeing is a lot of chairs kind of shriveling up in the cushion part,” Davidson custodian and chair expert Frank Todd said. “Without the farts, they really lose all the life in them...
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Anticipation is rising among UC Santa Barbara students who have chosen to stay at home during the pandemic, many of them freshman who have never been to campus. We at Nexustentialism decided to lend a...
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"All of these prospective senators have worked so hard to put on the mask of progress and social justice in such a diligent manner that their efforts mirror those of the greatest method actors of our ...
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X. Varun Iyer was recently informed that he gets paid per article, not per letter.
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Students demonstrated against the website by continuing to use it normally, which repeatedly caused the site to slow and crash at inconvenient times. One student described the protests as a “careful...
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Isla Vista’s COVID partiers have made it clear that drinking on balconies and drinking on roofs (and – let’s face it – angering the PH in some Shein bikini) is more critical than the health an...
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A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
The angel that has definitely never gone out
The literal devil
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
