Egg Chair Finally Hatches

Dazed and confused, Mate spoke only in tongues for 22 minutes until he was doused with a gallon of whole milk someone bought from 7-Eleven. Brains everywhere were scrambled. Only then did the question...
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Rejoice! Chancellor Yang Spends New Raise Adding 1,387,992 Sea-Monkeys to Lagoon

The UCSB campus community was recently given the news that our very own top dawg, Chancellor Yang, was given a raise.
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UCSB Library Adds Two New Sides: Tree and Rock

Dedicated to that one rock by the Arbor and some tree that looks like all of the other trees on campus, the new sides of the library have already made an impact on student life.
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An Open Letter to a Perverted Elderly Man

Kathleen Santacruz breaks the silence and reflects on her troubling experience getting vaccinated.
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Dining Halls Ranked by Someone Who Hasn’t Been to Any of Them

Anticipation is rising among UC Santa Barbara students who have chosen to stay at home during the pandemic, many of them freshman who have never been to campus. We at Nexustentialism decided to lend a...
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Inspiring! Ex-COVID Partygoer Learns New Skill: How To Have Compassion for Others

According to our sources, partiers are unable to spell difficult words like “vaccination” or “empathy,” and they can’t differentiate between “your” and “you’re,” which should have ...
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