Timely! Student only has clock app open during lecture

“Yeah, I usually just have a clock open during class. I don’t really need to take notes on the lecture or anything, I am studying the time. I’ve got to get out of here actually,” said second-y...
read more

Hispanic serving! Student serving cunt everyday of Hispanic Heritage Month

iOlé, Gauchos! UC Santa Barbara, despite its vaguely racist mascot while being a Hispanic Serving Institution, has long been known for having a large population of Latinx students, making Hispanic He...
read more

¡Prepárense para el impacto! Estudiantes de último año fortifican el campus a medida de la llegada de los de primer año

¿¿Bueno?? ¿¿Bueno??? Si te llega esta señal, quiere decir que estás a salvo… por ahora. Hay un refugio seguro alrededor de Storke Tower al que debes llegar, preferiblemente antes de que hayamo...
read more

Brace for impact! Upperclassmen fortify campus as freshmen arrive

Freshmeat will be here before you know it, and as the strong, wise, and mature upperclassmen, we must be ready. 
read more

Bike pile caused by Looney Tunes-style faux tunnel

The girl ran straight into what looked exactly like the same old tunnel. All the others followed suit and then there was just a cloud of smoke with cartoon sound effects coming out of it, and a tangle...
read more

Freshman distraught after missing sexual orientation

Sadly, Closset was unable to attend sexual orientation, where students are assigned their sexuality for their time here at UC Santa Barbara.
read more

Carrillo, My Beloved: A Review of Dining Hall Food

Carrillo, with all my heart, I love you, and you will forever be my favorite dining hall. 
read more

If I Was an Octopus, My Tentacles and I Would’ve Owned the Dining Hall by Now

Well shit! My tummy just rumbled — a foreboding sign that the quest to the dining hall is soon to come. We’ve all dealt with the annoying inconveniences of the dining hall, from not being able to ...
read more