Faith Talamantez

May 29, 2025

A word from our 2025 seniors

By Faith Talamantez, Jesse MacDonald, Erick Ruvalcaba

Three of our beloved seniors reflect on their years cramped beneath Storke Tower.

August 17, 2024

Music Library closing makes students ask: We had a Music Library?

By Faith Talamantez

The five music students at UC Santa Barbara and a couple other socially anxious students are devastated after the Music Library officially shut their doors this past Friday. However, pretty much every other student on ca...

October 13, 2023

Timely! Student only has clock app open during lecture

By Faith Talamantez

“Yeah, I usually just have a clock open during class. I don’t really need to take notes on the lecture or anything, I am studying the time. I’ve got to get out of here actually,” said second-year economics major ...

October 12, 2023

Hispanic serving! Student serving cunt everyday of Hispanic Heritage Month

By Faith Talamantez

iOlé, Gauchos! UC Santa Barbara, despite its vaguely racist mascot while being a Hispanic Serving Institution, has long been known for having a large population of Latinx students, making Hispanic Heritage Month an espe...

September 29, 2023

¡Prepárense para el impacto! Estudiantes de último año fortifican el campus a medida de la llegada de los de primer año

By Faith Talamantez, Mari Villalpando-Ortega

¿¿Bueno?? ¿¿Bueno??? Si te llega esta señal, quiere decir que estás a salvo… por ahora. Hay un refugio seguro alrededor de Storke Tower al que debes llegar, preferiblemente antes de que hayamos terminado de const...

September 9, 2023

Brace for impact! Upperclassmen fortify campus as freshmen arrive

By Faith Talamantez

Freshmeat will be here before you know it, and as the strong, wise, and mature upperclassmen, we must be ready.

October 11, 2022

Bike pile caused by Looney Tunes-style faux tunnel

By Faith Talamantez

The girl ran straight into what looked exactly like the same old tunnel. All the others followed suit and then there was just a cloud of smoke with cartoon sound effects coming out of it, and a tangle of limbs barely vis...

October 2, 2022

Freshman distraught after missing sexual orientation

By Faith Talamantez

Sadly, Closset was unable to attend sexual orientation, where students are assigned their sexuality for their time here at UC Santa Barbara.

May 5, 2022

Carrillo, My Beloved: A Review of Dining Hall Food

By Faith Talamantez

Carrillo, with all my heart, I love you, and you will forever be my favorite dining hall.

October 28, 2021

If I Was an Octopus, My Tentacles and I Would’ve Owned the Dining Hall by Now

By Faith Talamantez

Well shit! My tummy just rumbled — a foreboding sign that the quest to the dining hall is soon to come. We’ve all dealt with the annoying inconveniences of the dining hall, from not being able to carry all of our foo...