Ben Red

April 5, 2022

Sacrifice Revealed! Will Smith Oscars Slap Actually Awareness Stunt for Alopecia

By Ben Red

If he had made it about alopecia, then people wouldn’t want to look it up as much. The key is misdirection. This way, people don’t even realize how they are being played.

January 27, 2022

Suite Life on Derrick? New Housing Plan Moves Students Into Offshore Oil Rig

By Ben Red

Plans for the rig will feature 50 suite-style rooms, common areas, free petroleum, and a dining hall. Transportation will consist of a twice-a-day boat shuttle, and a damp towel will be provided to students who decide to...

October 30, 2021

Isla Vista Residents Throw Christmas Party to Avoid Halloween Restrictions

By Ben Red

After hearing about the local police ordinance set in place for Halloween, a few innovative UCSB students are planning to throw a Christmas party instead. “We kept hearing that I.V. isn’t throwing for shit this weeke...