Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
Hopefully this guide has illustrated the slight, but crucial differences between a post-quarantine slip-up and being an inherent fuck-up! Now go out there, have fun, and be safe! Or don’t, because y...
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“We’re so excited about the opportunity of having a baker’s dozen students in one dorm,” the Director of Student Friendship Susan Poleman told Nexustentialism.
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With our return to in-person instruction, we all know we are bound to see that one bitch that can make our blood run cold and boil simultaneously.
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Patients at Cottage reportedly enjoy the new bunk bed experience. In addition to inter-patient intercourse skyrocketing 76%, patient morale seems to have been boosted by the new project as well.
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Empty-handed in my pilgrimage toward the truly exquisite CLIT. My bildungsroman has come and gone … I have passed my point of no return.” Simpcellington, a virgin, turns 22 on Thursday.
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Notwithstanding that UC Santa Barbara’s lagoon resident Swamp Yang is a full-fledged adult, his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Yang, wish that he’d call home more often. If Mrs. Yang doesn’t receive a ph...
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One incoming freshman has gone above and beyond in his efforts to find his fit on campus and has leaked his own social security number in order to find common ground with elder Gauchos.
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Do you often find yourself utterly bewildered as to the function of everyday objects? Are you also disillusioned with the barren landscape of our fine institution? Well, you’re in luck, because for ...
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Warnings, panic and general hubbub about the new Delta strain of COVID-19 have been dominating the news cycle over the past few weeks. Envious of all the attention showered on Delta, local Zeta Beta T...
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Those tired by constantly having to search up their favorite hated Instagram accounts to see if they’ve posted any more ridiculous content can worry no more: Instagram will finally let you follow th...
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Many have been both shocked and saddened by this news, but also deeply surprised by the reason behind this decline.
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DEL PLAYA ROAD — Dust and confusion were both kicked up into the air on Saturday as 24 separate roller skaters collided in what can only be described as a cartoon-like whirlwind of limbs and wheels....
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"This crowd pleaser is an innovative take on the classic gazpacho. Ortega chefs insist that this dish was in fact heavily requested by students and not created due to a tight budget."
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Pardall Tunnel herself remains parched, empty and in desperate need of a biker — or several eager bikers — to just run through her already.
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Pepper admits that she was motivated to post it after experiencing sexism firsthand in her workplace
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A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
The angel that has definitely never gone out
The literal devil
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
