Sierra Vakili // Daily Nexus

Feeling moldy lately? You and the homes of students in Isla Vista have that in common! Many students have found themselves calling up their landlords, worried about the ever growing presence of mold in their cozy little homes and the potential effects it could have. Upon hearing these reports, we here at Nexustentialism decided to put in a helping hand and reach out to some local landlords ourselves. 

“So you aren’t a cop? Oh. Yeah, uh, the mold is just like a pet. We have them there for students’ mental health, so they don’t get too lonely,” says one landlord, who identified himself as Jusaw Foul. 

With this heartwarming news in mind, you moldier folks have nothing to worry about! In fact, rejoice! Your new mold is just like having your pets from home living with you here in Santa Barbara. After talking to a couple different landlords around I.V., even more benefits brought by having a bit of mold have been identified.

“The mold? Who are you again? Oh, yeah it’s, uh, since you kids love plants so much. It’s like another one of those succulents or something,” according to Vil Lin, a local landlord and fan of plants.

So not only is this mold a friendly presence, it also brings in a fairy garden, cottagecore theme to your home! For the girls and the gays, this is an absolute win. Having mold will help decorate and add to the vibes of the room, not hurt anyone. While there have been reports of sickness in households that have mold, remember we are in a pandemic, and it couldn’t possibly be the mold since the landlords so clearly said it’s not a problem. Just calm down!

There you have it Gauchos, there is nothing to fret over. Your mold is a friend, a super cool vibe and presents absolutely no threat to your home or your health. Landlords are now encouraging tenants with mold to first of all, relax and stop bothering them, and second, name their new friend! 

Fart Tent thinks landlords should get a real job instead of exploiting students.