Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Sorority Sally’s Top 10 All-Time Favorite Christmas Songs

December 20, 2016 by

Before you begin wondering why there’s no Mariah Carey or Michael Bublé included on this list, you have to remember that these are my favorite Christmas songs.
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How To Avoid People from High School 101

December 17, 2016 by

You thought you would never see them again after you threw your cap in the air, but if you go home for the holidays, you are bound to see at least 60 percent of your graduating class at some point.
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Overheard in the Library

December 13, 2016 by

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, not Christmas season, finals season. At least it was. But now, the library is empty and we move on with our lives.
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22 Last Minute Ways to Raise Your Grade

December 6, 2016 by

Do not sleep. At all. It slows down the brain and prevents further learning.
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Friendship Manor Gives Up on Noise Ordinance, Throws Rager Instead

November 30, 2016 by

The drinks were flowing all night as slutty nurses spoon-fed the elderly residents Jell-O shots, and orderlies laced their oxygen tanks with dank kush.
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Professor Only Curses To Impress Freshmen

November 27, 2016 by

Students have claimed that his casual F-bombs and “shits” don't make his second-rate retelling of elementary school history any more interesting.
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Illegal Candle Trade in Dorms At All-Time High

November 25, 2016 by

“They were pleading innocent, but you could tell they were lying,” Capt. Morgan said, shaking his head. “Who would use peppermint-scented candles before Thanksgiving?"
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Obama Barricades Self in Oval Office, Refuses to Let 45th President In

November 19, 2016 by

Shortly after meeting with President-elect Donald Trump and participating in a civil photo-op, a composed Obama immediately kicked everyone out, grabbed a pint of Cherry Garcia and then locked the doo...
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Which Subtweet Should You Tweet Next?

November 18, 2016 by

What fun is the internet if you can’t talk shit? Don’t worry, these subtweets have your back.
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Common Cold War: Students Weaponize Sickness, Bring Down Entire Dorm

November 17, 2016 by

"It's like being in a gang, man. When one of us gets sick, the whole building gets sick. It's a way of life."
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Overheard in I.V.

November 15, 2016 by

Another edition of eavesdropping brought to you by our version of investigative journalism.
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Marijuana Legalization Used as Coping Mechanism for Californians Under Trump Presidency

November 9, 2016 by and

ISLA VISTA, CA - Amidst the dark clouds surrounding election night, a cloud of a different type began to rise above the nerve-wracked streets of I.V.
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Fuck.

November 8, 2016 by

"Oh well," reports one witness.
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Who’s Leading The Write-In Vote?

November 8, 2016 by

The only place your third party vote will actually count.
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Trump Releases List of Demands After Holding American Intellectualism Hostage for a Year

November 8, 2016 by

While a multitude of world leaders have championed for its release, many Americans have agreed never to “negotiate with terrorists,” while others report not being aware of its departure in the fir...
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