Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Trump Dumps Wall for Straight-Up Land Mines

February 28, 2017 by

President Donald Trump announced at a press conference that he will be going back on his campaign promise to build a wall between the United States and Mexico.
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Sorority Sally “Distraught” After Beyoncé Drops Out of Coachella

February 23, 2017 by

I feel like someone stuck their hand in my CHEST and RIPPED OUT MY HEART.
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UCSB Pro-Nazi Meninists Feel Oppressed by Campus Liberals

February 23, 2017 by

After the inauguration of President Donald Trump, UCSB pro-Nazi meninists claim to have been targeted by on-campus anti-Trump and anti-racism protests.
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Spirit of Andrew Jackson visits President Trump with New Domestic Policy Proposals

February 21, 2017 by

A recent tweet released by President Trump made mention of a “huge historical inspiration” from a good friend he “would’ve done business with.”
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President Obama to Join the National Tour Cast of ‘Hamilton: An American Musical’

February 20, 2017 by

While the Obamas do plan on taking some more time off, the former POTUS has recently announced his plans to join the touring national cast of “Hamilton.”
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Ask Eggbert: An Advice Column

February 17, 2017 by

UCSB’s Resident Alien Answers Your Burning Questions
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Third-Year Student Takes Over Philosophy 127 After Professor Fails to Show

February 16, 2017 by

“It was 4:07 and the professor wasn’t there,” he said. “I couldn’t take the silence so I just started talking.”
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Girl Scout Cookies: What You Need to Know

February 15, 2017 by

Be an informed buyer this Girl Scout Cookie season.
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Lonely Janitor Steals Keys to Hearts, Many Students Left Heartbroken

February 14, 2017 by

“I am like, completely heartbroken. He doesn’t even snap me back or respond to my Facebook event invites!” said second-year psych major Susan Cupid.
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Student Contacts Dead Ancestors for Dating Advice

February 13, 2017 by

“Performing seances when it isn’t Halloween isn’t great business,” Riley said, “So I figured I would help guide others with their ancestors’ advice on how to get in a relationship just in ...
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Trump Presidency Ends Reverse Racism in America

February 10, 2017 by

Just as Obama had ended regular racism before him, President Trump has successfully ended reverse racism. Wow!
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Missing Girl Found After Going into Hiding To Avoid Giving Ride

February 9, 2017 by

Missing UCSB student Jill Crosswell was found alive yesterday morning at 5:00 a.m.
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Isla Vista Cops Conflicted Over Encouraging Messages in Local Graffiti

February 7, 2017 by

Local police have been perplexed by 35 recent instances of “encouraging” graffiti in Isla Vista and at UCSB.
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Sorority Sally Confused About Muslin Ban

February 6, 2017 by

Sally considers the different points of views on the Muslin ban, but ultimately doesn’t understand the controversy.
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U Can Study Blonde: Elle Woods Goes Gaucho for Fashion Merchandising Ph.D.

February 3, 2017 by

After completing a campus visit and tour yesterday, Harvard Law graduate and political activist Elle Woods made her decision to enroll at UC Santa Barbara official by submitting her statement of inten...
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