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In the past few weeks, students may have noticed a slight alteration in a renowned delicacy at IV Deli Mart. This dish, the buffalo chicken cheese fries, has undergone a subtle yet powerful transformation that has floored numerous hungry customers.

“They changed the fucking fries,” Justin Keppler, a fourth-year math major complained. “They thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did. I had to break up with my girlfriend because she didn’t notice anything different. My life is in ruins.”

Michelle Jung, a third-year psychology major, remarked, “The switching of the fries has absolutely destroyed the hierarchy of the meal. The fries are so small, you have to take more fries than usual to support a slice of chicken. What kind of world do we live in if you don’t have fries that can support chicken properly?”

Indeed, the slight alteration between medium steak fries to shoestring fries has left a bitter taste in the mouths and hearts of devoted customers. With this unthinkable sabotage, many are left to wonder if other menu items will be subject to unexpected change as well. Attempts are being made to reach to the IV Deli Mart staff for any comments on this change; as of yet there has been no response.

“There’s still enough ranch on the fries, so I’m good,” second-year communication major Joyce Vaughn said. “As long as they don’t do anything really drastic, like, I don’t know, raise the price or something, then I’m fine with the way things are.”


Lauren Jensen remains a firm activist on potato rights and will do anything to hash out this issue in an effective manner.