Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Here’s Some Irony for Ya: Deltopia Fencing Leading Cause of Injury Over Weekend

April 13, 2018 by

Students were greeted with an extravagant display of wire fencing throughout Isla Vista.
read more

‘Broke’ Sorority Girl Complains About Dues, Has Tickets to Every Festival

April 11, 2018 by

I am so over this hypocritical world we live in.
read more

Amazing! UCSB Student Claims She’s Confident Enough To Wear Low-Rise Jeans!

April 10, 2018 by

Readers will remember low rise jeans as the “it-jean” of the early 2000s.
read more

CDC Deems Cats Ungrateful Social Parasites

April 9, 2018 by

You may have been infected by Toxoplasma gondii, a parasite that infects its host with an irrational attraction toward feline species.
read more

10 Things to Do if It Rains During Deltopia

April 6, 2018 by

Let’s just say that the future isn’t looking too bright — literally.
read more

Uh Oh! Your Upstairs Neighbor Bryan is Playing the Guitar Again!

April 5, 2018 by

Since diving headfirst into YouTube tutorials, Bryan has quickly expanded his repertoire.
read more

My Mom Reacts To My Articles

April 3, 2018 by

This is supposed to be a joke, right? Please tell me this is a joke.
read more

How to Sexile Your Parents During Spring Break

March 30, 2018 by

The advice you’ve all been waiting for.
read more

Student with Poor Music Taste Suffers Ruptured Eardrums in Davidson

March 20, 2018 by

“I wish I had listened to my mom when I still could."
read more

The 10 Commandments to Get Through Finals Week

March 20, 2018 by

Surprise! Life isn’t perfect. I’m fucking stressed, for one.
read more

Student Puts Juul Pods Above Blue Books, Fails Finals

March 19, 2018 by

He doesn't regret his choice.
read more

UCSB Psychology Study Finds Best Way to Relieve Stress is to Sigh Loudly at Davidson Library

March 17, 2018 by

The passive aggression in the room was palpable.
read more

Student’s Glare Fails to Thwart Study Group from Invading Library Table

March 15, 2018 by

Residents of neighboring tables looked on with mixed sympathy and frustration.
read more

How to Celebrate Not Turning 21: A Guide to Surviving Your 2 Lamest Birthdays

March 14, 2018 by

If you’re between the ages of 19 and 20, the excitement of your special day has long faded.
read more

Students Graduate 1 Quarter Early, No One Cares

March 13, 2018 by

I mean, it’s just a quarter. It’s not good or bad. Just what they did.
read more