Ollie Tanasse

November 29, 2018

Bare Minimum Proving To Be Too Much to Ask of Subleaser

By Ollie Tanasse

In an unsurprising and expected series of events, local Isla Vista resident Jackson Smith has finally realized that asking his subleaser to do the bare minimum has proven to be too much for him to handle. Though the subl...

October 29, 2018

Soccer Players Not Hot Enough To Warrant Sitting Through Whole Game

By Ollie Tanasse, Sam Penn

15 minutes into the infamous UCSB versus Cal Poly SLO soccer game, second-year Veronica Dickstein realized that the soccer players weren’t even hot enough to warrant staying any longer than necessary. After throwing he...

September 12, 2018

5 Things UCSB Was Already Number 5 In

By Ollie Tanasse

Now that UCSB has moved up the ranks to stand as the fifth-best public university in the nation, here are five other impressive things that UCSB was already No. 5 in!

August 24, 2018

Study Finds Eating Ass Boosts Your Immune System

By Ollie Tanasse

Led by main researcher Joey Zones, a team of ecology graduate students at UC Santa Barbara discovered that eating ass helps to boost your immune system.