Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
“What we’re seeing is a lot of chairs kind of shriveling up in the cushion part,” Davidson custodian and chair expert Frank Todd said. “Without the farts, they really lose all the life in them...
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Anticipation is rising among UC Santa Barbara students who have chosen to stay at home during the pandemic, many of them freshman who have never been to campus. We at Nexustentialism decided to lend a...
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"All of these prospective senators have worked so hard to put on the mask of progress and social justice in such a diligent manner that their efforts mirror those of the greatest method actors of our ...
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X. Varun Iyer was recently informed that he gets paid per article, not per letter.
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Students demonstrated against the website by continuing to use it normally, which repeatedly caused the site to slow and crash at inconvenient times. One student described the protests as a “careful...
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Isla Vista’s COVID partiers have made it clear that drinking on balconies and drinking on roofs (and – let’s face it – angering the PH in some Shein bikini) is more critical than the health an...
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You may not have been appreciative of the many girl boss go-getters during the last Women’s History Month, but thankfully, there are many femme fatales out there who are deserving of praise! Here ar...
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Kyle DeNile from Newport Beach, had lots to say about Isla Vista’s disparity from Pengu Island. “Things are off to a rocky start. I haven’t met even one former surf star who faked his own death ...
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Wow! With so many wonderful options, it’s hard to pick just one! We at Nexustentialism sincerely hope this map through the spiritual realm will land you in a place of inner peace this Spring.
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Disclaimer: This article is a humorous interpretation of the events of the past few days of the kind-of-a-city-but-not-really of Isla Vista, California. If you do not live in Isla Vista, you may not u...
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Breakthrough laptop-free hacks include: Read a book, or pretend to be Amish.
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According to our sources, partiers are unable to spell difficult words like “vaccination” or “empathy,” and they can’t differentiate between “your” and “you’re,” which should have ...
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Due to COVID, our sources have reported that many individuals have not “busted a nut” in months. However, for the small demographic who aren’t fucking losers and totally fuck, a creative way to ...
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While classics such as “Fuck You, Flavored Cream Cheese” will always hold a special place in our hearts, we have found it necessary to move on to bigger, bolder, more bountiful horizons of content...
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“I miss seeing a little action in a pair of Kohl’s jeans some physics guy’s mom bought for them,” said Ass Woman Junkina Trunk, who went on to admit that she’s had to watch playbacks of “t...
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Ends on ‘good terms’ but is blocked on Instagram
Slow fade
Ghosting them on a random Monday
“It’s not you, it’s me”
Drunk Uber “we need to talk” voice memo
Presents a notes app pros and cons list
Asks to still be friends
Drops their stuff off, never speaks to them again
Texts “this isn’t working” then posts from another country
“It’s not me, it’s you”
Tells them they need to focus on Econ 10A
Delivers a hand-written letter to their mom
