Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
UCSB recently made the decision to reopen select university-owned apartments for Winter 2021 in what we can only assume is an attempt to stop hemorrhaging money. The selective application process allo...
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“The lengthening effect was witnessed almost immediately,” said the Student Health nurse who administered Storke the vaccine. “As was a slight increase in girth, though those effects have yet to...
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GauchoSpace Live and GauchoSpace Premium are in no way, shape or form based on PornHub Live and PornHub Premium. Students who suggest this will be expelled.
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Likely one of the only times the Trump children have ever witnessed their father using the L-word so brazenly and yet so tenderly, it is almost certain that at least one of them (probably Eric) burst ...
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“I never once thought about giving up,” third-year and all-around bland man Krac said. “I decided the least I could do was to give UCSB a smidge of normalcy during this tumultuous time.”
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“Book book, study study! Ooga booga, horny!”
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“Where is Pelosi’s office?” one confused rioter asked as he entered the A.S. Food Bank and stumbled through several rows of canned goods.
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"when questioned as to 'what the hell they’re gonna do with all those shitty little beds,' Jared shrugged and gestured to a ceiling-high pile of loaves of white bread in the corner of his room. What...
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"Now my projected consciousness can learn the intricacies of Pre-Tridentine Catholicism while my body plays Minecraft with the boys!”
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Freshmen this year are truly missing out on one of the most unique traditions UCSB has to offer, not to mention the delectable flavor of a campus-raised, spit-roasted raccoon.
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Every once in a while, you come across a curse word that really sticks, something so profane you’ll be sure to use for the rest of your life. This is not that curse word, but it’s pretty good.
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A recent poll has shown that 52% of Isla Vista residents consider those with chlamydia to be “total downers.” Others opposed to the chlamydia craze have said that they “wished more trends were a...
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With this delicious new dish, naturally, comes the question, “which part of the tursnowyploverducken am I?” Complete this festive little quiz to find out!
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The Foot Patrol, formerly recognized as the on-foot Isla Vista police, now spends their time scouring the streets for any sign of feet, whether it’s through a hole in a shoe, sandals or even barefoo...
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Members of club sports teams, if they haven’t already retreated to the darkest corners of their homes in shame, are reported to have continued doing jumping jacks in their living rooms, dreaming the...
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A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
The angel that has definitely never gone out
The literal devil
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
