Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
"when questioned as to 'what the hell they’re gonna do with all those shitty little beds,' Jared shrugged and gestured to a ceiling-high pile of loaves of white bread in the corner of his room. What...
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"Now my projected consciousness can learn the intricacies of Pre-Tridentine Catholicism while my body plays Minecraft with the boys!”
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Freshmen this year are truly missing out on one of the most unique traditions UCSB has to offer, not to mention the delectable flavor of a campus-raised, spit-roasted raccoon.
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Every once in a while, you come across a curse word that really sticks, something so profane you’ll be sure to use for the rest of your life. This is not that curse word, but it’s pretty good.
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A recent poll has shown that 52% of Isla Vista residents consider those with chlamydia to be “total downers.” Others opposed to the chlamydia craze have said that they “wished more trends were a...
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With this delicious new dish, naturally, comes the question, “which part of the tursnowyploverducken am I?” Complete this festive little quiz to find out!
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The Foot Patrol, formerly recognized as the on-foot Isla Vista police, now spends their time scouring the streets for any sign of feet, whether it’s through a hole in a shoe, sandals or even barefoo...
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Members of club sports teams, if they haven’t already retreated to the darkest corners of their homes in shame, are reported to have continued doing jumping jacks in their living rooms, dreaming the...
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HGTV is an American television channel that focuses on real estate and home improvement. And what better way to improve your home than to install 13 empty New Amsterdam bottles in the front-facing win...
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Trying to comprehend the wonder of conception? Look no further, kids, for creative teachers are employing the academic help of one of the busiest and most successful websites in the world: Pornhub.
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Public health officials were asked for comment, but were too busy banging their heads against the walls of their office and muttering, “How fucking dumb can these kids be,” under their breaths.
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With the dust from the election finally beginning to settle, it’s important to practice self-care techniques to ease your mind from this heinous experience. However, remembering another bizarre or u...
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True enough indeed, reports have come in from all across the country that small children and animals, as well as many a bouncy house, were swept into the sky as soon as the news broke that Biden would...
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A palpable sexual tension could be felt throughout the country as votes trickled in for the 2020 presidential election.
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Witnesses describe that the gnomes — lit only by the light of the moon — began to fortify the walls of Girvetz, dig a moat and lock themselves inside.
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
