Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Girl Reminisces About Best Valentine’s Day Hookup

February 14, 2018 by

He gets me and that’s one of the things I love about him.
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The Secret to Convincing Your FWB to Commit on Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2018 by

Your resident unofficial Daily Nexus Sex and Relationship columnist takes on Valentine's Day commitments.
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Close Quarters With Clayton: What Does It Really Mean To Be a Gaucho?

February 12, 2018 by , and

In this first edition of Close Quarters With Clayton, Stench correspondent Clayton Alexander explores how the student body really feels about our mascot, chancellor and more.
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Student Wary of Cuffing Season Preemptively Cuffs Self

February 12, 2018 by

Martinez has gone so far as to cuff herself before anyone else gets the chance.
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Trouble Is Afoot: Raccoon Theft Leaves DP Residents Barefoot and Unhappy

February 9, 2018 by

This isn’t the first time a raccoon has done something like this.
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Surfing in Poop Water is the Shit

February 8, 2018 by

“Honestly, I’m like already pretty sick,” stated Corby, throwing up a condensed shaka.
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Wow! This Frat Respects Women By…

February 6, 2018 by

Really impressed!
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White Girl’s Semester Abroad Didn’t Totally Change Her Life

February 5, 2018 by

Shocking news arrived from a small suburb outside Los Angeles.
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Things Hieu Le Should Spend His $3,000 Honorarium on Instead of Increasing Student Fees

February 2, 2018 by

While we really do love our A.S. President, we do think it’s appropriate to poke fun at some good old-fashioned political fuck-ups every now and again.
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Nice! UCSB Introduces 10 Edgy Classes for Spring Quarter

February 1, 2018 by and

Here it is! The long-awaited *super easy* GE course list from UCSB. Everyone and their Aunt Trish loves taking a nice, juicy general education course. It’s a beautiful way to lighten the load of an ...
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Nexustentialism to Shut Down After Some Girl Kaitlyn says “Not Okay”

January 30, 2018 by

Well, it happened.
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UCSB Accepts Record Number of Out-of-State Students to Pay for New Science Building

January 29, 2018 by

Over 5,000 students were found to have been marked as in-state admissions over 3 years.
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New Chancellor Announced as Large Pile of Money Wearing Glasses

January 26, 2018 by

His glasses are prescription.
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Fuck It, I’m Rating the Birds

January 24, 2018 by

These winged jerks have had it too good for too long.
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Sad! Thousands of New Year’s Resolutions Left Abandoned on Streets of DP

January 23, 2018 by

Sadly, this is an annual occurrence.
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