Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
Around 5:30 p.m. Saturday evening, tragedy struck the shores of Sands as local I.V. woman Margaret Rogers’s phone battery dropped dangerously low during the most ‘gramable sunset of the year. Just...
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What’s up demons, it’s ya boy Chad. Last we spoke, I was getting ready for some winter frat rushes and — big spoiler alert — I crushed it and was too cool for every single house. Literally nob...
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Rude! Margaret Paige Claire Allen, first year pre-med major, has been reported by multiple students to Associated Students (A.S.) Judicial Affairs for being a class-know-it-all. While UCSB prides itse...
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While enjoying a fun gathering of drinks, friendly faces and favorite tunes, everyone was still completely on board for leaving to go to a house party with sex-crazed belligerents and the world’s wo...
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Sure, UCSB has a lot of great features — the beach, our revered chancellor, that oatmeal they sometimes serve at Portola — but my favorite thing is the bus. There is nothing I love more than stand...
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Dearest Father, It is with utter chagrin and sorrow that I must report back such tragic news. I write this letter to you during Winter Quarter of my third (3rd!) year of university and I have yet to f...
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“New year, new me” proclamations were made around the world on the first of the month, but here in I.V., I have to admit, it’s been a rough start. So, to combat the possibility of failing my goa...
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A 3.87 GPA and multiple summer internship offers were not enough to stop third-year student Niko Teene from dropping out and pursuing financial success in selling Juul pods to his underage friends. Te...
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After years of squabbling over Facebook feeds and Nexus comment boards, Associated Students is bringing its tension to the foreground with an evening of bare-knuckle pageantry.
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So there have been a lot of rumors and speculation surrounding me and my sorority status. I am HERE to set the masses straight, completely on the record, and a hundred percentile truthful.
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Frat guys are great … OK, maybe some of them are — jury’s out on the rest. Maybe you get lucky and actually find a decent guy with letters who treats you right, or maybe you don’t. Have you ev...
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UC Santa Barbara’s College of Creative Studies was burglarized over winter break, according to an email sent out to all of the college’s students earlier this week. The college estimates the loss ...
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Men’s rights activists everywhere are finally speaking out about the fear and anxiety induced by a group of girls appearing behind them while walking.
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Following a recent announcement that the university will begin offering free menstrual products in the Chi-5 residence halls, a group of offended men emerged from their mothers’ basements and flocke...
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Happy Holidays from us at the Nexus! We here at Nexustentialism know how difficult it can be to get some good gifts for your friends and family here at UCSB, so we thought we’d do you a solid and te...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
