Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

In an email released yesterday, Chancellor Yang wrote the student body to enforce the use of footwear during Spring Insight.

“We have to set a good example for accepted students,” Yang said in his email. “We don’t want the parents of our future students to think that this is an institution that promotes foot diseases.”

Yang’s email was met with backlash from the anti-shoe community at UCSB.

“I honestly feel like this policy is infringing on my first amendment rights,” said barefoot representative, Mike Litoris. “I have the right to walk around campus barefoot like any other tuition-paying citizen!”

Reports show that Litoris and Yang eventually came to an agreement over the use of footwear on campus. Litoris ended up wearing socks and sandals during Spring Insight, which, although ugly, was enough to satisfy both the Chancellor and parents of accepted students.

“I love the fashion here!” said a recently admitted Gaucho. “I love how you wear ugly shoes and no one seems to care! Maybe I’ll show up barefoot in the fall; it’ll be, like, so progressive.”


Christina is begging the student body to please, for the love of God, put your toes away.