Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
This Monday, modern-day saint, Benedict Dope Paul II refused to let a single sneeze in his 300-person lecture hall go unblessed. Shocked onlookers witnessed this modern crusader bravely serve his fell...
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This past weekend was Jack Johnson’s birthday! So, here at the Nexus, we just wanted to wish Jack Johnson a happy birthday! Jack Johnson’s birthday this year will be his 44th. Not many people know...
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This week, UCSB announced that it will start breaking ground for the College of Jack Johnson, a department within the university that is dedicated to Jack Johnson studies. Johnson, an alumnus at UCSB,...
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A series of successful events from A.S. Program Board came to a grinding halt on Sunday when 2019’s Extravaganza was determined to be the biggest clusterfuck in recent memory. It appears that Progra...
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It seems Kappa Kappa Gumbo has gotten itself into another legal fiasco, this time for enraging the goth community. The culprit? Doc Martens.
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A school-wide study conducted by UCSB’s Department of Communication revealed that 100% of long-distance relationships based out of UCSB would rapidly implode if the couple ever spent extensive time ...
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In a miraculous turn of events last week, midterms on UCSB campus became mysteriously musical. Surely every student who has had the misfortune of slogging through the college cold and flu season (whic...
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ISLA VISTA — Graduating senior Bob Lee-Fluids seductively laid upon his hand-me-down couch in his Del Playa home contemplating the last four years of his college experience. He looked lovingly upon ...
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Pop! Third-year UC Santa Barbara student Anthony Wheeler knew the sound all too well. The back inner tube of his bike had popped and soon the sound of grinding metal on concrete soon grew apparent as ...
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Once again, Extravaganza season is upon us and with the release of the lineup for the highly anticipated concert on Sunday, there is a wide mix of reactions among students. With big names like Aminé ...
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Well folks, you heard it here first. Our beloved Chancellor, Henry T. Yang, will be headlining this year’s Extravaganza festival, according to A.S. Program Board, who announced the lineup yesterday....
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Today, nearly a whole business week before Extravaganza celebrations are due to begin, UCSB student Molly Poppins decided to preemptively get in the spirit of the festival the only way she knows how -...
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ISLA VISTA, CALIFORNIA — A bold and valiant display of heroism took place in the wee hours of Saturday morning when local man Bryce Daniels performed oral sex on his girlfriend Jessica Payton.
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This past Tuesday, Professor Joe Kerr of environmental studies accidentally misprinted the midterm for a class of over 800 students. As it turns out, Kerr printed a midterm from Winter Quarter three y...
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Earlier this week, during the daily lunch-rush feeding frenzy at the University Center’s Panda Express, the wait time for this inauthentic — yet no less delicious — cuisine reached an all-time h...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
