Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

New TA Excited to Mansplain to Female Students

April 27, 2018 by

Spring quarter is here and nobody is more excited than freshly minted TA Seth Jameson.
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Rodney Raccoon To Run for A.S. President, A.S. Hopefuls Are Shook

April 27, 2018 by

It’s time raccoons get the representation they deserve.
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Timely Warning: Protect Our Raccoons

April 25, 2018 by

Warning: This article may contain material that some readers may find triggering, alarming or upsetting.
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Roommate Poops So Fast It’s Intimidating

April 24, 2018 by

Who the fuck does she think she is?
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Looking to Get Stressed Out? Here Are Some Natural Disasters UCSB Could Maybe Face

April 20, 2018 by

Murphy’s Law states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”
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I Don’t Know What Chancellor Yang Does Exactly and at This Point I’m Too Afraid to Ask

April 19, 2018 by

Am I comparing Chancellor Yang to McDonald’s? Yes. I love McDonald’s.
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University to Replace C.A.P.S. with New Subway

April 17, 2018 by

This week the university announced plans to eliminate Counseling & Psychological Services (C.A.P.S.) and replace it with a new Subway. “We have made the executive decision that three Subways in ...
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Fratastrophe: The Diary of Bidless Chad

April 16, 2018 by

It happened, I didn’t get into a frat, again.
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Here’s Some Irony for Ya: Deltopia Fencing Leading Cause of Injury Over Weekend

April 13, 2018 by

Students were greeted with an extravagant display of wire fencing throughout Isla Vista.
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‘Broke’ Sorority Girl Complains About Dues, Has Tickets to Every Festival

April 11, 2018 by

I am so over this hypocritical world we live in.
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Amazing! UCSB Student Claims She’s Confident Enough To Wear Low-Rise Jeans!

April 10, 2018 by

Readers will remember low rise jeans as the “it-jean” of the early 2000s.
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CDC Deems Cats Ungrateful Social Parasites

April 9, 2018 by

You may have been infected by Toxoplasma gondii, a parasite that infects its host with an irrational attraction toward feline species.
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10 Things to Do if It Rains During Deltopia

April 6, 2018 by

Let’s just say that the future isn’t looking too bright — literally.
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Uh Oh! Your Upstairs Neighbor Bryan is Playing the Guitar Again!

April 5, 2018 by

Since diving headfirst into YouTube tutorials, Bryan has quickly expanded his repertoire.
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My Mom Reacts To My Articles

April 3, 2018 by

This is supposed to be a joke, right? Please tell me this is a joke.
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