Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Wow! This Student Cleared an Entire Row by Mouth-Breathing!

May 22, 2018 by

Exasperated by cramped lecture hall seating comparable only to that of the economy class of a budget airline, local freshman Tyler Franklin has decided to take a stand.
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Eurasian Collared Doves Annex Entire Campus, Demand Property Rights

May 21, 2018 by

Sure, humans write deeds to prove property ownership, but the fact of the matter is doves can’t read.
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The Real Vote on Divestment Was the Friends We Made Along the Way

May 18, 2018 by and

“I know we didn't decide on anything or even discuss it, but I was stoked to get to sit next to my buddy all night,” stated one senator.
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We’ve Run out of Ideas, so It’s Time to Rank Bread

May 17, 2018 by

Fuck it, we ranked the bread.
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No Shit! New Portola Will Still Give You Food Poisoning

May 17, 2018 by

As it turns out, new Portola is still steadfast in its unwavering commitment to fucking up your digestive system.  
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Over Fortnite? Here’s a New Pastime for UCSB Students!

May 16, 2018 by

A new game of our daily activities and sights in Isla Vista that's designed to help you level up!
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Nexustential Crisis: How to Beer Die Bro

May 15, 2018 by and

An exclusive look into the secret life of beer die bros from the genius journalists of Nexustentialism!
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The Truth Behind the UCen Bird

May 14, 2018 by

The truth behind the UCen bird is finally revealed with a shocking twist...
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Chats with Chad, Mother’s Day Edition: Are Moms Girls?

May 11, 2018 by

Moms. We all have them – even if you don’t have a belly button, like me.
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Couple Publicly Spooning Outside Lecture Hall Has Really Good Reason for It We Promise

May 10, 2018 by

It has totally strengthened our relationship.
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UC Releases Additional Statement on AFSCME 3299 Strike

May 9, 2018 by

The University of California has released an additional statement regarding their stance on the strike.
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Pubes Still Pissed You Shaved Them, Promise Vengeance

May 8, 2018 by

We didn’t say it was easy being well groomed.
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Jewish Frat Boy Asks, “Is Eating Pussy Kosher for Passover?”

May 7, 2018 by

And Tiffany asked, “what’s Passover?”
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Nice! This Student Didn’t Even Need to Get Laid to Do Walk of Shame

May 3, 2018 by

The Isla Vista Walk of Shame is upon you.
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Daddy Yang, You’re Not the Father

May 1, 2018 by

A paternity test revealed that Daddy Yang is in fact not her biological father.
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