Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

How To Get a Spring Break Body

March 10, 2017 by

But fear not! We have the perfect answer to the burning question plaguing the millennial generation.
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6 Pictures of Henry T. Yang Being a Silly, Silly Goose!!

March 9, 2017 by and

We all know Chancellor Henry T. Yang can be a goofball sometimes, but what you’re about to see will certainly make you lose control of your bowels! This stack of photos left behind at a local Chuck ...
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Time Capsule Unearthed at Campus Point

March 7, 2017 by

This past Sunday, third-year economics major Morgan Capano came across a mysterious metal item while hiking the trail around Campus Point.
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Isla Vista Starbucks Implicated in Incorrect Order Scandal

March 6, 2017 by

Late last Sunday night, the Associated Press caught wind of a developing Starbucks-related fiasco in the lesser Isla Vista area.
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Rec Cen Opens up Recreational Drug Use Room

March 3, 2017 by

“Wait, they don’t already have this?” said second-year English major James Thompson. “Then, yeah … I’m totally stoked!”
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Spending for All Arts Programs Cut by the UC System

March 2, 2017 by

This decision cuts UC spending for all arts programs and is effective immediately.
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Trump Dumps Wall for Straight-Up Land Mines

February 28, 2017 by

President Donald Trump announced at a press conference that he will be going back on his campaign promise to build a wall between the United States and Mexico.
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Sorority Sally “Distraught” After Beyoncé Drops Out of Coachella

February 23, 2017 by

I feel like someone stuck their hand in my CHEST and RIPPED OUT MY HEART.
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UCSB Pro-Nazi Meninists Feel Oppressed by Campus Liberals

February 23, 2017 by

After the inauguration of President Donald Trump, UCSB pro-Nazi meninists claim to have been targeted by on-campus anti-Trump and anti-racism protests.
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Spirit of Andrew Jackson visits President Trump with New Domestic Policy Proposals

February 21, 2017 by

A recent tweet released by President Trump made mention of a “huge historical inspiration” from a good friend he “would’ve done business with.”
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President Obama to Join the National Tour Cast of ‘Hamilton: An American Musical’

February 20, 2017 by

While the Obamas do plan on taking some more time off, the former POTUS has recently announced his plans to join the touring national cast of “Hamilton.”
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Ask Eggbert: An Advice Column

February 17, 2017 by

UCSB’s Resident Alien Answers Your Burning Questions
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Third-Year Student Takes Over Philosophy 127 After Professor Fails to Show

February 16, 2017 by

“It was 4:07 and the professor wasn’t there,” he said. “I couldn’t take the silence so I just started talking.”
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Girl Scout Cookies: What You Need to Know

February 15, 2017 by

Be an informed buyer this Girl Scout Cookie season.
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Lonely Janitor Steals Keys to Hearts, Many Students Left Heartbroken

February 14, 2017 by

“I am like, completely heartbroken. He doesn’t even snap me back or respond to my Facebook event invites!” said second-year psych major Susan Cupid.
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