Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Isla Vista Starbucks Implicated in Incorrect Order Scandal

March 6, 2017 by Jake Feder

Late last Sunday night, the Associated Press caught wind of a developing Starbucks-related fiasco in the lesser Isla Vista area.
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Rec Cen Opens up Recreational Drug Use Room

March 3, 2017 by Ariana Marmolejo

“Wait, they don’t already have this?” said second-year English major James Thompson. “Then, yeah … I’m totally stoked!”
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Spending for All Arts Programs Cut by the UC System

March 2, 2017 by Lil Furnace

This decision cuts UC spending for all arts programs and is effective immediately.
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Trump Dumps Wall for Straight-Up Land Mines

February 28, 2017 by Avery MacGuire

President Donald Trump announced at a press conference that he will be going back on his campaign promise to build a wall between the United States and Mexico.
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Sorority Sally “Distraught” After Beyoncé Drops Out of Coachella

February 23, 2017 by Sorority Sally

I feel like someone stuck their hand in my CHEST and RIPPED OUT MY HEART.
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UCSB Pro-Nazi Meninists Feel Oppressed by Campus Liberals

February 23, 2017 by Vianna Mabanag

After the inauguration of President Donald Trump, UCSB pro-Nazi meninists claim to have been targeted by on-campus anti-Trump and anti-racism protests.
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Spirit of Andrew Jackson visits President Trump with New Domestic Policy Proposals

February 21, 2017 by Lil Furnace

A recent tweet released by President Trump made mention of a “huge historical inspiration” from a good friend he “would’ve done business with.”
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President Obama to Join the National Tour Cast of ‘Hamilton: An American Musical’

February 20, 2017 by Zoey Brandt

While the Obamas do plan on taking some more time off, the former POTUS has recently announced his plans to join the touring national cast of “Hamilton.”
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Ask Eggbert: An Advice Column

February 17, 2017 by Eggbert the Alien

UCSB’s Resident Alien Answers Your Burning Questions
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Third-Year Student Takes Over Philosophy 127 After Professor Fails to Show

February 16, 2017 by Miranda O'Mahony

“It was 4:07 and the professor wasn’t there,” he said. “I couldn’t take the silence so I just started talking.”
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Girl Scout Cookies: What You Need to Know

February 15, 2017 by Lane Wright

Be an informed buyer this Girl Scout Cookie season.
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Lonely Janitor Steals Keys to Hearts, Many Students Left Heartbroken

February 14, 2017 by Mia Roncati

“I am like, completely heartbroken. He doesn’t even snap me back or respond to my Facebook event invites!” said second-year psych major Susan Cupid.
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Student Contacts Dead Ancestors for Dating Advice

February 13, 2017 by Lauren Jensen

“Performing seances when it isn’t Halloween isn’t great business,” Riley said, “So I figured I would help guide others with their ancestors’ advice on how to get in a relationship just in ...
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