Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

He Wanted Me to Pledge CALPIRG, But I Pledged My Heart

May 25, 2017 by

Three years, two dogs and countless games of Gauchoball later, we’re still together and happier than we ever have been.
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Top 5 Things Every Senior has to do Before Graduating

May 23, 2017 by

Here is the ultimate, most amazing, super fun, totally Gaucho, UCSB bucket list for graduating seniors.
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Extravaganza Mistaken for ‘Extra’ Festival

May 22, 2017 by

A portion of students misinterpreted the name of “Extravaganza,” UCSB’s annual music festival, as something entirely different
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U.S. Interferes in North Carrillo Lunch

May 18, 2017 by

Chaos ensued last week when a local office for the U.S. Food and Drug Administration booked Carillo’s Mountainview Room for a staff meeting.
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Tinder Name Ideas for UCSB Cyclists

May 17, 2017 by

A double-entendre homage to UCSB’s two main activities: dating and cycling.
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Break in Review: Frat Phil Recounts Trip to Cabo

May 15, 2017 by

It’s your boy with the poi, your kid with the lid, your son with the concealed carry permit, Frat “Put Your Tits Where I Can See ‘Em” Philskies, dude.
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Student Crumbles in Spring Quarter, Asks Parents For Money

May 11, 2017 by

A UCSB student lost her pride this weekend when she finally succumbed to poverty and asked her mom to transfer some money to her bank account.
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Student Trains Homing Pigeons After Breaking iPhone

May 9, 2017 by

Columbidae, whose phone was broken in a bike accident, says he got the idea when he looked up from the pavement and saw a pigeon staring at him.
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Top 5 Ways to Get a Sugar Daddy

May 8, 2017 by

Sugar daddies are the next big lazy millennial endeavor, and here are the top five ways to get yours.
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Rapture Comes, Leaves Slow Walkers Behind

May 5, 2017 by

If you read this headline and it was news to you, that means one thing: You were left behind.
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Buffalo Chicken Betrayal: IV Deli Mart Swaps Fry Type

May 4, 2017 by

In the past few weeks, students may have noticed a slight alteration in a renowned delicacy at IV Deli Mart.
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New Cheadle Hall Renovations Are Something to A-Door

May 2, 2017 by

Through a series of collaborative efforts spearheaded by a small committee composed of C.A.P.S. and other various campus faculty, Cheadle Hall was recently renovated as part of the campus’s new When...
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Guess what, It’s Gonna Be MAY

May 1, 2017 by

To celebrate the coming of May, we remember the great hits of the mascots of the month, *NSYNC.
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Fledgling Beach Cruiser Gang Terrorizes Campus

April 27, 2017 by

Recent police reports suggest that a new biker gang, known formally as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsuirs, has started to infiltrate the various bike racks of UCSB’s campus.
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Fraternity Rituals Explained with Frat Phil

April 26, 2017 by

Out of the supreme zesty-ness of my heart, I’ve decided to share some of my hazing methods and rituals.
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