Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Top 7 Household Items to Use as Back-Up Condoms

April 14, 2017 by

You reach for your nightstand, open the drawer and BAM: no rubbers.
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Frat Boy Creates 8th Day of Week to Spend More Time with ‘The Boys’

April 11, 2017 by

Traditionally, only Saturdays have been for the boys, but now, more and more days are being consumed by this ritual.
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Literal River of Alcohol Runs Through DP During Deltopia

April 10, 2017 by

This year’s alcohol-infused festivities included the creation of a lazy liquor river through the crowded street.
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Top 15 Things UCSB Could Have Spent Anti-Deltopia $40K On

April 7, 2017 by

If UCSB’s going to hike up tuition and spend a ridiculous amount of money on anti-partying ads, they might as well give us what we really want.
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UC Regents ‘Hikes’ Actually Referring to Light Exercise

April 5, 2017 by

The use of the term “hike,” which has commonly been utilized to describe the annual upward trend of tuition costs to students, seems to have been a particular point of miscommunication.
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Drunken Basket Stealer Shows No Remorse in Court

April 4, 2017 by

“Yeah, I did it, and I’d gladly do it again. Those baskets knew what they were in for. Zip ties ain’t got nothing on me.”
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What Happens When A Student Stays in I.V. Over Spring Break

April 2, 2017 by

What happens when you are the one left behind forced to suffer through the best weather and most stress-free environment all by yourself?
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How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break

March 30, 2017 by

For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.
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7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo

March 28, 2017 by

Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!
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Professor Booze Cruise Results in Hijacked Oil Rig

March 27, 2017 by

What was meant to be a quiet ocean cruise for several of the school’s esteemed faculty turned into a nightmare of intoxicated hijinks, which included the swift seizure of one of the several oil rigs...
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“My Body, My Feet” Movement Aims to End Unwanted Footsy

March 24, 2017 by

On Sunday afternoon, a group of impassioned students forewent their studies in favor of chanting “My body! My feet!” while marching in and around Davidson Library.
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Girl Wearing Makeup to 8 a.m. Final is Better Than You

March 22, 2017 by and

“I thought there was this kinda unspoken agreement that we would all look like trash for the week as a community-strengthening thing”.
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5 Most Romantic Spaces in the Library

March 21, 2017 by

Are you afraid the love of your life might slip away because all you can think about are blue books and essay prompts? Have no fear! Nexustentialism is here to save your unraveling relationships.
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What Your St. Paddy’s Day Outfit Says About You

March 16, 2017 by

It has become common practice to dress up for the holiday with varying degrees of effort. Here’s a few examples of what your St. Paddy’s Day outfit says about you:
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5 Good Places to Cry at UCSB

March 15, 2017 by

Here is a list of good public places to let loose a few tears ... you simp.
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