Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

UC Regents ‘Hikes’ Actually Referring to Light Exercise

The use of the term “hike,” which has commonly been utilized to describe the annual upward trend of tuition costs to students, seems to have been a particular point of miscommunication.
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Drunken Basket Stealer Shows No Remorse in Court

“Yeah, I did it, and I’d gladly do it again. Those baskets knew what they were in for. Zip ties ain’t got nothing on me.”
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What Happens When A Student Stays in I.V. Over Spring Break

What happens when you are the one left behind forced to suffer through the best weather and most stress-free environment all by yourself?
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How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break

For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.
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7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo

Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!
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Professor Booze Cruise Results in Hijacked Oil Rig

What was meant to be a quiet ocean cruise for several of the school’s esteemed faculty turned into a nightmare of intoxicated hijinks, which included the swift seizure of one of the several oil rigs...
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“My Body, My Feet” Movement Aims to End Unwanted Footsy

On Sunday afternoon, a group of impassioned students forewent their studies in favor of chanting “My body! My feet!” while marching in and around Davidson Library.
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Girl Wearing Makeup to 8 a.m. Final is Better Than You

“I thought there was this kinda unspoken agreement that we would all look like trash for the week as a community-strengthening thing”.
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5 Most Romantic Spaces in the Library

Are you afraid the love of your life might slip away because all you can think about are blue books and essay prompts? Have no fear! Nexustentialism is here to save your unraveling relationships.
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What Your St. Paddy’s Day Outfit Says About You

It has become common practice to dress up for the holiday with varying degrees of effort. Here’s a few examples of what your St. Paddy’s Day outfit says about you:
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5 Good Places to Cry at UCSB

Here is a list of good public places to let loose a few tears ... you simp.
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Top 8 Places to Break Out into Song and Dance on Campus

But with the impacted space on the UCSB campus, where does one go to pretend they’re on an open golf course and fully channel their inner Zac Efron?
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Top 5 Spots for Cathartic Screaming on Campus

As finals week approaches, the desire to let out some of your stress in the form of a socially unacceptable shriek may threaten to overwhelm you.
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How To Get a Spring Break Body

But fear not! We have the perfect answer to the burning question plaguing the millennial generation.
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6 Pictures of Henry T. Yang Being a Silly, Silly Goose!!

We all know Chancellor Henry T. Yang can be a goofball sometimes, but what you’re about to see will certainly make you lose control of your bowels! This stack of photos left behind at a local Chuck ...
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