Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Surfing in Poop Water is the Shit

February 8, 2018 by

“Honestly, I’m like already pretty sick,” stated Corby, throwing up a condensed shaka.
read more

Wow! This Frat Respects Women By…

February 6, 2018 by

Really impressed!
read more

White Girl’s Semester Abroad Didn’t Totally Change Her Life

February 5, 2018 by

Shocking news arrived from a small suburb outside Los Angeles.
read more

Things Hieu Le Should Spend His $3,000 Honorarium on Instead of Increasing Student Fees

February 2, 2018 by

While we really do love our A.S. President, we do think it’s appropriate to poke fun at some good old-fashioned political fuck-ups every now and again.
read more

Nice! UCSB Introduces 10 Edgy Classes for Spring Quarter

February 1, 2018 by and

Here it is! The long-awaited *super easy* GE course list from UCSB. Everyone and their Aunt Trish loves taking a nice, juicy general education course. It’s a beautiful way to lighten the load of an ...
read more

Nexustentialism to Shut Down After Some Girl Kaitlyn says “Not Okay”

January 30, 2018 by

Well, it happened.
read more

UCSB Accepts Record Number of Out-of-State Students to Pay for New Science Building

January 29, 2018 by

Over 5,000 students were found to have been marked as in-state admissions over 3 years.
read more

New Chancellor Announced as Large Pile of Money Wearing Glasses

January 26, 2018 by

His glasses are prescription.
read more

Fuck It, I’m Rating the Birds

January 24, 2018 by

These winged jerks have had it too good for too long.
read more

Sad! Thousands of New Year’s Resolutions Left Abandoned on Streets of DP

January 23, 2018 by

Sadly, this is an annual occurrence.
read more

Students in ESS Pre-major Prepare to Literally Jump Through Hoops

January 22, 2018 by

Students have been working diligently to gear up for this week’s final challenge.
read more

Study Abroad Student Misses Memo, Shows Up 1 Week Early

January 19, 2018 by

The TAs then handed out the exams, and the professor wrote the time remaining on the board. Still, Sanders remained clueless.
read more

ALL THE SEX I’VE HAD THIS YEAR, RATED

December 18, 2017 by

Every year when my virginity restarts on Jan. 1, I record and rate all the sex I have had by month and man. Take a peek into my exciting life as a serial polygamist:
read more

10 Stages of Finals Week

December 8, 2017 by

Despair. Pizza cravings. Yerba Mate. More despair. Finals season brings on a whole wave of feelings. Here is what a typical finals week looks like.
read more

Eggbert: A Year in Review

December 7, 2017 by

As the year comes to a close, Eggbert takes time to reflect on some of the advice he’s given over the course of 2017 and add any additional wisdom he’s picked up along the way.
read more