Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Fresh Meat for Freshmen Program Proves a Huge Missed Steak

July 28, 2017 by

The Commission on Welcoming Freshmen (CWF) has cut funding for their proposed program “Fresh Meat for Freshmen”
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Local Ant Colony Prepares for Upcoming Picnic Season

July 24, 2017 by

As boiling July turns to simmering August, many families prepare last-minute outings before the new school year commences.
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Student Struggles Against Urge To Show-off Newfound Drinking Skills

July 18, 2017 by

Marie Bryant, a soon-to-be third year history student, returned to her hometown of Pasadena, California, to spend the summer break with her family.
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Groundbreaking Research Suggests Bad Jokes Make Great Dads

July 13, 2017 by

Researchers recently discovered revealed groundbreaking evidence that pun-related humor in males is directly correlated with being a good father.
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Student Purchases Dad Hat, Embraces Fatherhood

June 14, 2017 by

Share with the dads in your life.
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5 Ways to Convince Your FWB to Hook Up When They Should Study

June 13, 2017 by

We all know what F stands for.
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My Sext Got Left on Read: Here’s My Story

June 12, 2017 by

Long story short, my award-winning paragraph of graphic erotica got left on read.
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Professor Institutes ‘Trial by Combat’ Test Format

June 9, 2017 by

Sources confirmed yesterday that an upper division physics professor, who has asked to remain anonymous, has hired a handful of retired WWE wrestlers to challenge students in cage-match-style combat.
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A Slice of the Upper Crust: Protests Rise Against Dining Commons Bread

June 6, 2017 by

The dining commons are well known for their widespread range of bakery items, especially their flavors of homemade breads. However, a group of passionate students have taken it upon themselves to end ...
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The Definitive Chancellor Yang Trivia Quiz

June 5, 2017 by

After feasting on some delicious little sandwiches and pasta salad, we asked the main man the questions that really mattered.
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If Tour Guides Told the Truth

May 31, 2017 by

Thinking back to the 27 college tours your mother made you go on, do you really think all of those tour guides told you the truth about their schools?
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New Study Shows There Aren’t Plenty of Fish in the Sea

May 30, 2017 by

In a recent study published by UCSB’s Aquatics Research Department, research has concluded that there are, in fact, not plenty of fish in the sea.
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9 (Easy) Steps to Instagram Fame

May 26, 2017 by

It’s all about those little red hearts underneath your perfectly candid picture that validate your very existence!
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He Wanted Me to Pledge CALPIRG, But I Pledged My Heart

May 25, 2017 by

Three years, two dogs and countless games of Gauchoball later, we’re still together and happier than we ever have been.
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Top 5 Things Every Senior has to do Before Graduating

May 23, 2017 by

Here is the ultimate, most amazing, super fun, totally Gaucho, UCSB bucket list for graduating seniors.
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