Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

New Snapchat Update Now Leading Cause of Divorce

March 2, 2018 by

Having a 200-day or more streak absolutely guarantees a zero chance of divorce.
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EPIDEMIC: Local fools make personal posts on Free & For Sale instead of their profile

March 1, 2018 by

In an astonishing turn of events, local Isla Vista fool put a rant up on the Free & For Sale page instead of on her personal profile.
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When All Is Said and Dine: A Pro Chef’s Thoughts on College Food

February 27, 2018 by

Over the weekend, UCSB Housing, Dining and Auxiliary Enterprises were surprised with a visit from none other than renowned chef, Gordon Ramsay.
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The People vs. Freebirds: American Crime Story

February 26, 2018 by

This indelible infraction is one step too far.
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Tampon Plugging and Butt Chugging: A Midterms Guide to Yerba

February 23, 2018 by

It’s midterms, my dudes.
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UCSB Student Complains About First-World Problems, Insists You Don’t @ Her

February 22, 2018 by

These issues REALLY matter.
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VOTE: What should Ryan get tattooed on his butt?

February 21, 2018 by

Yes, you read that right.
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Del Playa at Risk of Falling into Ocean Spiritually and Physically

February 19, 2018 by

Ninety percent of Del Playa cliff erosion is caused by dubstep music and loud bass.
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Valentine’s Day Epiphany: Previously DTF Man Now DTForm a Genuine Relationship

February 16, 2018 by

I owe so much to Valentine: he’s looking out for his bros.
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I Asked 30 Girls on Tinder What They Thought About Stamps

February 15, 2018 by

What do you think of stamps?
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Girl Reminisces About Best Valentine’s Day Hookup

February 14, 2018 by

He gets me and that’s one of the things I love about him.
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The Secret to Convincing Your FWB to Commit on Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2018 by

Your resident unofficial Daily Nexus Sex and Relationship columnist takes on Valentine's Day commitments.
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Close Quarters With Clayton: What Does It Really Mean To Be a Gaucho?

February 12, 2018 by , and

In this first edition of Close Quarters With Clayton, Stench correspondent Clayton Alexander explores how the student body really feels about our mascot, chancellor and more.
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Student Wary of Cuffing Season Preemptively Cuffs Self

February 12, 2018 by

Martinez has gone so far as to cuff herself before anyone else gets the chance.
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Trouble Is Afoot: Raccoon Theft Leaves DP Residents Barefoot and Unhappy

February 9, 2018 by

This isn’t the first time a raccoon has done something like this.
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