Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

I Don’t Know What Chancellor Yang Does Exactly and at This Point I’m Too Afraid to Ask

April 19, 2018 by

Am I comparing Chancellor Yang to McDonald’s? Yes. I love McDonald’s.
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University to Replace C.A.P.S. with New Subway

April 17, 2018 by

This week the university announced plans to eliminate Counseling & Psychological Services (C.A.P.S.) and replace it with a new Subway. “We have made the executive decision that three Subways in ...
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Fratastrophe: The Diary of Bidless Chad

April 16, 2018 by

It happened, I didn’t get into a frat, again.
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Here’s Some Irony for Ya: Deltopia Fencing Leading Cause of Injury Over Weekend

April 13, 2018 by

Students were greeted with an extravagant display of wire fencing throughout Isla Vista.
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‘Broke’ Sorority Girl Complains About Dues, Has Tickets to Every Festival

April 11, 2018 by

I am so over this hypocritical world we live in.
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Amazing! UCSB Student Claims She’s Confident Enough To Wear Low-Rise Jeans!

April 10, 2018 by

Readers will remember low rise jeans as the “it-jean” of the early 2000s.
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CDC Deems Cats Ungrateful Social Parasites

April 9, 2018 by

You may have been infected by Toxoplasma gondii, a parasite that infects its host with an irrational attraction toward feline species.
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10 Things to Do if It Rains During Deltopia

April 6, 2018 by

Let’s just say that the future isn’t looking too bright — literally.
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Uh Oh! Your Upstairs Neighbor Bryan is Playing the Guitar Again!

April 5, 2018 by

Since diving headfirst into YouTube tutorials, Bryan has quickly expanded his repertoire.
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My Mom Reacts To My Articles

April 3, 2018 by

This is supposed to be a joke, right? Please tell me this is a joke.
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How to Sexile Your Parents During Spring Break

March 30, 2018 by

The advice you’ve all been waiting for.
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Student with Poor Music Taste Suffers Ruptured Eardrums in Davidson

March 20, 2018 by

“I wish I had listened to my mom when I still could."
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The 10 Commandments to Get Through Finals Week

March 20, 2018 by

Surprise! Life isn’t perfect. I’m fucking stressed, for one.
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Student Puts Juul Pods Above Blue Books, Fails Finals

March 19, 2018 by

He doesn't regret his choice.
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UCSB Psychology Study Finds Best Way to Relieve Stress is to Sigh Loudly at Davidson Library

March 17, 2018 by

The passive aggression in the room was palpable.
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