Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Uh Oh! Your Upstairs Neighbor Bryan is Playing the Guitar Again!

April 5, 2018 by

Since diving headfirst into YouTube tutorials, Bryan has quickly expanded his repertoire.
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My Mom Reacts To My Articles

April 3, 2018 by

This is supposed to be a joke, right? Please tell me this is a joke.
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How to Sexile Your Parents During Spring Break

March 30, 2018 by

The advice you’ve all been waiting for.
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Student with Poor Music Taste Suffers Ruptured Eardrums in Davidson

March 20, 2018 by

“I wish I had listened to my mom when I still could."
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The 10 Commandments to Get Through Finals Week

March 20, 2018 by

Surprise! Life isn’t perfect. I’m fucking stressed, for one.
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Student Puts Juul Pods Above Blue Books, Fails Finals

March 19, 2018 by

He doesn't regret his choice.
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UCSB Psychology Study Finds Best Way to Relieve Stress is to Sigh Loudly at Davidson Library

March 17, 2018 by

The passive aggression in the room was palpable.
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Student’s Glare Fails to Thwart Study Group from Invading Library Table

March 15, 2018 by

Residents of neighboring tables looked on with mixed sympathy and frustration.
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How to Celebrate Not Turning 21: A Guide to Surviving Your 2 Lamest Birthdays

March 14, 2018 by

If you’re between the ages of 19 and 20, the excitement of your special day has long faded.
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Students Graduate 1 Quarter Early, No One Cares

March 13, 2018 by

I mean, it’s just a quarter. It’s not good or bad. Just what they did.
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Free Water of Isla Vista, Ranked

March 12, 2018 by

Scenario. It’s summer:  you’re just getting out of your last class of the day.
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Confused First Year Thought He’d Have More Sex By Now

March 9, 2018 by

Flynn really thought this would be “his year”, as far as sexual escapades go.
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Little Known UCSB Campus Facts You Need Should Totally Know!

March 8, 2018 by

The buildings in fact have stories and not just “good personalities.”
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BREAKING NEWS: MEN AIN’T SHIT

March 6, 2018 by

Men, yes ALL men, ain’t shit.
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Ole the Mascot Replaced By Nachos, Freebirds Rejoices

March 5, 2018 by

“Worry not, folks. Our new mascot is a plate of Freebirds Nachos.”
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