Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

UCSB Student Complains About First-World Problems, Insists You Don’t @ Her

February 22, 2018 by

These issues REALLY matter.
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VOTE: What should Ryan get tattooed on his butt?

February 21, 2018 by

Yes, you read that right.
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Del Playa at Risk of Falling into Ocean Spiritually and Physically

February 19, 2018 by

Ninety percent of Del Playa cliff erosion is caused by dubstep music and loud bass.
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Valentine’s Day Epiphany: Previously DTF Man Now DTForm a Genuine Relationship

February 16, 2018 by

I owe so much to Valentine: he’s looking out for his bros.
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I Asked 30 Girls on Tinder What They Thought About Stamps

February 15, 2018 by

What do you think of stamps?
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Girl Reminisces About Best Valentine’s Day Hookup

February 14, 2018 by

He gets me and that’s one of the things I love about him.
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The Secret to Convincing Your FWB to Commit on Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2018 by

Your resident unofficial Daily Nexus Sex and Relationship columnist takes on Valentine's Day commitments.
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Close Quarters With Clayton: What Does It Really Mean To Be a Gaucho?

February 12, 2018 by , and

In this first edition of Close Quarters With Clayton, Stench correspondent Clayton Alexander explores how the student body really feels about our mascot, chancellor and more.
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Student Wary of Cuffing Season Preemptively Cuffs Self

February 12, 2018 by

Martinez has gone so far as to cuff herself before anyone else gets the chance.
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Trouble Is Afoot: Raccoon Theft Leaves DP Residents Barefoot and Unhappy

February 9, 2018 by

This isn’t the first time a raccoon has done something like this.
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Surfing in Poop Water is the Shit

February 8, 2018 by

“Honestly, I’m like already pretty sick,” stated Corby, throwing up a condensed shaka.
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Wow! This Frat Respects Women By…

February 6, 2018 by

Really impressed!
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White Girl’s Semester Abroad Didn’t Totally Change Her Life

February 5, 2018 by

Shocking news arrived from a small suburb outside Los Angeles.
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Things Hieu Le Should Spend His $3,000 Honorarium on Instead of Increasing Student Fees

February 2, 2018 by

While we really do love our A.S. President, we do think it’s appropriate to poke fun at some good old-fashioned political fuck-ups every now and again.
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Nice! UCSB Introduces 10 Edgy Classes for Spring Quarter

February 1, 2018 by and

Here it is! The long-awaited *super easy* GE course list from UCSB. Everyone and their Aunt Trish loves taking a nice, juicy general education course. It’s a beautiful way to lighten the load of an ...
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