Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

7 Things Donald Trump Looks Like

January 29, 2016 by

You have heard of him and you have seen him. He is the legendary Donald Trump. Now here are some different ways of seeing Donald Trump that really show why his appearance trumps the rest of his politi...
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UCSB Students Disregard E. Coli Breakout, Pay The $1.95 to Add Guac

January 24, 2016 by

GOLETA — A newly released study conducted by a special University student-focused division of the Pew Research Center has found widespread apathy in regards to the health risks associated with Chipo...
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UCSB Creates Supplemental College Application

January 22, 2016 by

Getting into college nowadays is no joke. However, the application process is a long and grueling journey. Besides the fact that you have to spend about $90 bucks per application, you also have to com...
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5 Useful Apps for the Average UCSB Student

January 20, 2016 by

Although technology has progressed rapidly over the past decade, the fact that I still have to get out of bed for my morning caffeine is proof enough that it has not progressed enough. For most of lif...
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Jeb Bush’s Guac Recipe: As Disappointing As His Brother’s Presidency

January 16, 2016 by

After months of build-up and eager anticipation, the first juicy reveal of campaign season has finally occurred. Just before the New Year, Jeb Bush unveiled his highly secretive guacamole recipe durin...
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TeaKitten: Passionate Peach For Your Passionate Peach

January 15, 2016 by

You know how it goes. Your new Tinder bae invites you over to Netflix and chill, and 20 minutes into the provocative world of “Bob’s Burgers,” things start getting steamy. Roommate sexiled, twin...
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7-Eleven Secret Menu

January 12, 2016 by

We all know about the beautiful gold that is the secret In-N-Out menu, but did you know that your local 7-Eleven also has its own culinary code? Here are some of Nexustentialism’s favorite combinati...
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Josh Inga Uncovered: The Free & For Sale Legend

January 9, 2016 by

Even if you’ve only recently joined the UCSB Free & For Sale Facebook group, you’ve likely already come across some interesting wares. Although the page promises “dirty couches, alcohol, and...
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Hoverboard Craze: Dangerous or Sexy?

January 5, 2016 by

Three are injured and two are in emergency care after a crash on the sidewalk in front of the Arbor yesterday morning. Reports say the accident was caused when a hoverboarder lost control of his vehic...
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2015 Pop-Culture Highlights

January 2, 2016 by

Fellow Gauchos, 2015 is officially over. Can you believe it!? Even though it seems to have lasted all of five minutes, so much has happened in the world of celebrities, TV, movies, music and strange y...
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13 Reasons Why Santa Sucks

December 25, 2015 by

Despite what his name suggests, old Saint Nick is no saint. Here are a few reasons to stop idealizing this son of a nutcracker. 1.) He is a slave owner You think those elves are getting #paid? Hell no...
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Sorority Sally’s Christmas Diary Entry

December 24, 2015 by

Dear Diary, Today made me so sad. Like SO sad. Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year and I actually can’t handle all the desperation and sadness in these Christmas songs. T...
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DIY Ugly Christmas Sweater Guide

December 23, 2015 by

A step-by-step guide to uglifying a perfectly good sweater, just in time for the holiday season! Hopefully this guide inspires the mediocre DIY artists of our generation, as well as the people who are...
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Highly Anticipated Features of New Library

December 20, 2015 by

With only less than one month until the unveiling of the renovated library (FINALLY), you’re probably getting anxious to check it out!  I don’t blame you — it’s going to be a bastion of all s...
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40 Funniest Venmo Captions

December 17, 2015 by

Venmo is a lifesaver. It lets you pay that $2.33 you owe your friend for a slice of pizza, your drug dealer or any other person that also has a Venmo account. Is it slightly sketchy to hook up your ba...
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