Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

5 Ideal Napping Locations

February 19, 2015 by

Everybody likes a good nap. Whether after an 8 a.m. you didn’t have enough sleep for or during a weirdly-spaced gap between classes, a quick nap can help reset your day and get you going again.
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Fifty Shades of Grey Reviewed by a Guy

February 16, 2015 by

Every day people go to the theater hoping to see the film of our generation, the movie everybody will remember.
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How To Survive Single Awareness Day

February 13, 2015 by

February 14. While some may know this as a day full of heart-eyed emojis, romance and mushy feelings, for a lot of us, it’s a reminder of your singleness.
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Valentine’s Day Floral Sales Likely to Lower Atmospheric Oxygen

February 11, 2015 by

Researchers believe that this weekend’s national sales of flowers will cause an ever-so-noticeable decline in our atmospheric oxygen, slowly killing our planet.
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Student Signs Lease Demanding Human Soul as Security Deposit

February 9, 2015 by

As apartment hunting season progresses, students across Isla Vista are on the lookout for the perfect home for the coming school year.
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I.V. Deemed Void of Nutritional Benefits by USDA

February 6, 2015 by

In a shocking feat last Tuesday, the United States Department of Agriculture declared the college town of Isla Vista, California a food desert.
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10 Questionable Yaks You Need to See

February 3, 2015 by

If midterms are driving you up the wall, take a moment to bask in the embarrassing and fairly relatable anonymous thoughts of other gauchos who are probably procrastinating as much as you are.
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4 Questionable and Kinda-Legal-But-Not-Really-So-Don’t-Do-It Ways To Get High

January 29, 2015 by

In case you fellow Isla Vistians have been getting bored with your daily smoke-sesh routines, here are some alternative ways to get that "Wow did I just eat a good brownie, or was that a GOOD brownie"...
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10 Ways to Fake Your Way Through Section

January 28, 2015 by

We all know the struggle: maybe you had a little too much fun this weekend, maybe Netflix was a little too tempting or maybe you’re simply drowning under the workload for all your other classes.
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Profile: Larry Cavaletto

January 26, 2015 by

The Arbor is home to people of all varieties. You get UCSB clubs trying to fundraise, outside groups promoting their causes, and we all remember how it was around the last election. However, while man...
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Excuses to Avoid Being Stopped Near the Arbor

January 21, 2015 by

Because "I'm late to class" doesn't quite cut it anymore.
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Man Sells Spleen to Buy Coachella Tickets

January 13, 2015 by

The line in front of the Isla Vista General Clinic wrapped around the block on Jan. 6, the day before Coachella ticket sales went live.
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Overheard in Isla Vista

January 12, 2015 by

Hello boys and girls, welcome back to the first week of 2015.
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10 New Year Resolutions for a Real Gaucho

December 31, 2014 by

New year, new you. At least that’s what we tell ourselves every first morning of January.
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Free Condoms and Red Vines to All

December 25, 2014 by

’Twas the Saturday before finals...
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