Getting into college nowadays is no joke. However, the application process is a long and grueling journey. Besides the fact that you have to spend about $90 bucks per application, you also have to come up with bullshit reasons why your dream college should accept you. Let’s be honest here, we know that spending one hour a week volunteering at your local soup kitchen wasn’t how you wanted to spend your Sunday mornings. However, UCSB came up with a supplemental college application that asks the real questions. So, future freshmen, do you think you can hang?
1.) Here at UCSB we take pride in our #4 ranking in most attractive students in the world. What will you do to contribute to this aspect of our university?
All throughout high school I have maintained my rock hard physique by playing basketball, soccer, football, golf, baseball and running track. Participating in all these sports has taught me how to be a disciplined worker and to stop at nothing in order to attain the perfect figure. I am very up to date with the latest fashion trends and have been subscribed to Men’s Health since the age of six. During my junior and senior years, I worked at the local Abercrombie (as a model of course) to save up for a graduation gift for myself. In the end, I decided to get the nose job that I have always wanted, and I am glad that my hard work, as well as my plastic surgeon’s hard work, paid off.
2.) Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from extremely turnt to blacked out within your party culture, community or family.
My sophomore year, my best friend’s parents went out of town and he decided to throw a little kickback in his garage. Needless to say, word spread really quickly and it soon turned into a Project X party. By 10:30 p.m., I was 10 shots in and in the middle of the championship BP game. There was one cup left on the other side of the table and it was my turn to throw the ball. One shot. All the glory. I had to make it. As I raised my hand to throw the ball, the next thing I knew, I was waking up on the lawn chair by my friend’s pool. I walked through the house trying to piece the night together but was only met with people shaking my hand and saying “congratulations man.” A few minutes later, my friend explained every detail about how I made the winning shot, ripped off my shirt and then smashed my head through a 30 rack box. Never had I felt so proud of something I didn’t remember. My actions are ones that I will always keep in mind as I take on each day, ready to blackout and destroy all my enemies in BP and in life.
3.) Recount an incident or time when you could not hang. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
I hate to admit it, but in high school, as a freshman, I hung out with the wrong people. The day I realized that I was making poor life choices was when my “friends” were making fun of a group of college guys who where wearing short and colorful shorts. They pointed out their hairy legs and boat shoes even though we were miles away from the closest body of water. I couldn’t take their bad attitudes anymore. I stood up to my friends and told them that no one should be shamed for wearing Chubbies and that people should be allowed to express themselves in whatever way they want, especially if it coincides with Greek life. To my group of old friends, I couldn’t hang. They wanted me out of the group and I couldn’t have been happier. Fast-forward three years and now my closet is filled with Sperry’s, Chubbies and polos. I learned to stand up for others and myself that day which was a valuable lesson. I gained a great sense of fashion, and deep down, I knew those guys were my brothers from other mothers that I couldn’t wait to meet.
4.) How does your surfboard preference reflect your personality?
Sadly, I am a kook. There. I said it. I ride a short foamboard because I need stability in my life but can’t resist showing off when I have the chance. I am adventurous and like a good challenge. I can adapt to most scenarios easily, but at times, it’s hard for me to catch a break and I can get discouraged by being constantly pummeled wave after wave. I am working on my form and researching new types of boards to help me reach success. Hopefully by the time I graduate from UCSB, I will be able to ride on any board on some gnarly waves to give hope to incoming freshman who were once in my position.