Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

February 16, 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey Reviewed by a Guy

By Kevin Clark

Every day people go to the theater hoping to see the film of our generation, the movie everybody will remember.

February 13, 2015

How To Survive Single Awareness Day

By Zoey Brandt

February 14. While some may know this as a day full of heart-eyed emojis, romance and mushy feelings, for a lot of us, it’s a reminder of your singleness.

February 11, 2015

Valentine’s Day Floral Sales Likely to Lower Atmospheric Oxygen

By Anna Kodelashvili

Researchers believe that this weekend’s national sales of flowers will cause an ever-so-noticeable decline in our atmospheric oxygen, slowly killing our planet.

February 9, 2015

Student Signs Lease Demanding Human Soul as Security Deposit

By Jasmine Vaughn

As apartment hunting season progresses, students across Isla Vista are on the lookout for the perfect home for the coming school year.

February 6, 2015

I.V. Deemed Void of Nutritional Benefits by USDA

By Nolissa Wrong

In a shocking feat last Tuesday, the United States Department of Agriculture declared the college town of Isla Vista, California a food desert.

February 3, 2015

10 Questionable Yaks You Need to See

By Anna Kodelashvili

If midterms are driving you up the wall, take a moment to bask in the embarrassing and fairly relatable anonymous thoughts of other gauchos who are probably procrastinating as much as you are.

January 29, 2015

4 Questionable and Kinda-Legal-But-Not-Really-So-Don’t-Do-It Ways To Get High

By Plazon Würtz

In case you fellow Isla Vistians have been getting bored with your daily smoke-sesh routines, here are some alternative ways to get that "Wow did I just eat a good brownie, or was that a GOOD brownie" kind of high.

January 28, 2015

10 Ways to Fake Your Way Through Section

By Zoey Brandt

We all know the struggle: maybe you had a little too much fun this weekend, maybe Netflix was a little too tempting or maybe you’re simply drowning under the workload for all your other classes.

January 26, 2015

Profile: Larry Cavaletto

By Evan Swerdfeger

The Arbor is home to people of all varieties. You get UCSB clubs trying to fundraise, outside groups promoting their causes, and we all remember how it was around the last election. However, while many come and go, one m...

January 21, 2015

Excuses to Avoid Being Stopped Near the Arbor

By Erin Lubitz

Because "I'm late to class" doesn't quite cut it anymore.

January 13, 2015

Man Sells Spleen to Buy Coachella Tickets

By Jasmine Vaughn

The line in front of the Isla Vista General Clinic wrapped around the block on Jan. 6, the day before Coachella ticket sales went live.

January 12, 2015

Overheard in Isla Vista

By Anonymous

Hello boys and girls, welcome back to the first week of 2015.

December 31, 2014

10 New Year Resolutions for a Real Gaucho

By Anna Kodelashvili

New year, new you. At least that’s what we tell ourselves every first morning of January.

December 25, 2014

Free Condoms and Red Vines to All

By Safer Sex Santa

’Twas the Saturday before finals...

December 24, 2014

A Letter to Santa

By A K

Dear Santa, It has been another long year in college and I know you can probably find my name somewhere near the top of the naughty list, but don’t let that fool you...