Highly Anticipated Features of New Library

With only less than one month until the unveiling of the renovated library (FINALLY), you’re probably getting anxious to check it out!  I don’t blame you — it’s going to be a bastion of all sorts of new-fangled amenities.  Take a look at just a few of them below.  

• A napping nook!  For those moments (hours, days, weeks) when you’re so beyond exhausted that you’re okay with drooling in public. Really brings you back to Kindergarten.  

• An I.V. blackout basement, because even though Chancellor Yang has turned the power off AGAIN, you still have to study. #finalsseason, am I right?

• A speakeasy! ‘Nuff said. Fine, it’s Great Gatsby themed and it’s classy as hell.   

• A yoga studio! Most useful for those thinking, “Namaste in the library and study more.”  

• A full-on Target! Who wouldn’t want the opportunity to be a cog in the machine of consumerism at all times?  

• The trolley lady from the Hogwarts Express! She’ll just be strolling around the library all day, every day. Majestic trolley chalk-full of Trader Joe’s goodness included for an extra five dollars. Actual food from the trolley? Priceless.  

• A procrastination palace (aka that bouncy castle from your sixth birthday party)! Because we all know the definition of college is putting the pro in procrastination until you miraculously end up with a degree.  

• A bearer of bad news bunker! The perfect place for calling your parents to tell them you’ve flunked yet another midterm. You might even be able to get away with break-ups in there.

• A screaming shrine, as we all need a spot where we can yodel (simply put, completely freak out) in peace at some point. Please bring your own yodeling horn and outfit.  

• A dog adoption center! Now, you can experience the joys of Dog Therapy Day every day. If you already have a dog, please adopt a friend for it; it’s lonely when you’re in class, and it barks. Constantly.  

• An entire National Park. That’s right. You’ll literally be able to camp out in the library!  

• A Yik Yak yakking room! Sadly, it’s not socially acceptable to burst out laughing at a SpongeBob derp face sometimes. Like in the middle of the library when people are studying. This is where a space for laughing at yet another yak that’s the most hilarious thing ever comes in handy!

• One word: Netflix. More specifically, a room full of 90-inch flat screens equipped with Netflix. You never know when you’ll be inspired to binge watch another show, or need a 10-hour long break from life! Nachos, anyone?