Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

A Breakup Letter to Trader Joe’s

November 12, 2015 by

Look, I’ve got to say something here, but don’t think this means I love you any less, because that’s just not true; my love will never change. You’ve taken me places and done things for me I d...
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The Comprehensive Roommate Breakdown

November 11, 2015 by

The term “roommate” is a funny one. Per the perennial linguistic powerhouse, dictionary.com, it is simply defined as, “a person who is assigned to share or shares a room or apartment with anothe...
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Twitter Threatens Male Masculinity

November 10, 2015 by

In case you missed it, Twitter unveiled a new way to show your appreciation of another person’s tweet this week. Instead of having the option to “favorite” a tweet with a star, you now “like...
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How To Spot An I.V. Fuckboi

November 5, 2015 by

  Fuckboi (n.): a male specimen who has the characteristics or tendencies of the ultimate douchebag; possibly considers himself a “meninist”; makes up for his insecurities by drinking a lot o...
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If Stars Were Really ‘Just Like Us’

November 4, 2015 by

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really tired of hearing about how Selena Gomez walks with her legs or that Justin Timberlake uses paper towels to dry his hands. As someone who uses deli slice...
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Accurate Isla Vista Street Names

November 3, 2015 by

Instead of recognizing any cultural significance behind the beautiful names designating each unique street in this community­­­­, we’ve relabeled them all for present day accuracy. 65 Block: Bey...
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Trick or Chug: Isla Vista Edition

November 1, 2015 by

We all remember those thrilling, spooky, sugar-induced nights as children where we got to be whatever we wanted and would go around collecting candy just for being cute in our costumes. Those were tru...
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How To Make Booze 101

October 29, 2015 by

Are you tired of having to deal with the high cost of alcohol? Or maybe you’re a freshman without a fake I.D. and no upperclassmen as friends. Either way, worry no more, because cheap and easy booze...
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Elections on Elm Street

October 27, 2015 by

Halloween is only a hop, skip and jump away, so here at the Daily Nexus, we’d like you to join us in conducting a bit of a thought experiment. Imagine that, just for a second, only evil individuals ...
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California Drought Ends, UCSB Students Feel Conflicted

October 24, 2015 by

Californians received a huge relief this past Wednesday when a heavy rainstorm flooded the state with an average of 1.5 inches of precipitation. Governor Jerry Brown called a press conference to offic...
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Eight DIY Halloween Costumes

October 22, 2015 by

With Halloween just a couple weeks away, the panic to find the perfect costume is setting in. Getting the stuff necessary to become the perfect Daenerys Targaryen or Donald Trump can get pretty expens...
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Netflix and Chill: Halloween Edition

October 20, 2015 by

Ladies and gentlemen, and those who feel they fall somewhere else on the gender spectrum (we are all-inclusive here at the Daily Nexus), grab a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and stay awhile — October is up...
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Eight Halloween Candy Cocktail Combos

October 15, 2015 by

Halloween in college is equal parts childhood nostalgia and bad decisions. You get to do all the fun stuff you wanted to do when you were little, like stay up all night and eat as much unhealthy crap ...
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Five Penis Enlargement Techniques From Around the World

October 13, 2015 by

Attention Gauchos! Do you like to ride to and from school on a Harley? Do you commonly use the word ‘faggot’ to describe others on internet forums? Have you been saving your Jamba Juice tip money ...
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10 Funniest Free & For Sale Posts

October 12, 2015 by and

No school’s Facebook group offers as much diversity in its posts as the UCSB Free & For Sale page. If you’re getting rid of an old beach cruiser, in the market for some gently used furniture o...
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