Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

One Wild Night in SLO

February 24, 2016 by

This past weekend, I traveled to the most inferior of the Central California universities: Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.
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In-N-Out to Shut Down Nationwide, Relief Efforts to Follow

February 18, 2016 by

In-N-Out’s co-assistant branch manager of business relations, Chip Skylar, headed a press conference Monday to break the news that In-N-Out would be closing all of its 300-plus locations, effective ...
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Sorority Girl Can Even, Fellow Comm Students Appalled

February 16, 2016 by

“Not many sorority girls can say that they’ve done that — that they can even.”
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5 Ways El Niño Is Worse Than Your Ex

February 12, 2016 by

Given the fact that California has been in a record-setting drought for the last five years, the promise of heavy rains and snow has given residents hope that they will not have to live in a time wher...
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More Drink, Less Think: Drinking Games for Midterm Season

February 8, 2016 by

Stay under the influence and above the curve.
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An Ode to Sands

February 4, 2016 by

It’s not yet sunrise but my coffee is brewing, stoked for what’s coming, can’t wait to start cruising. “Goin’ to class?” my awakened roommate asks. “Hell no,” says I, “El Niño is he...
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11 Isla Vista Keys to Success

February 2, 2016 by

DJ Khaled's keys to Isla Vista success. Bless up.
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Sorority Opens Portal to Hell During Initiation

February 1, 2016 by

ISLA VISTA — On Friday, Jan. 29, 2016, Santa Barbara County Fire Department responded to calls after the UCSB chapter of Delta Epsilon Alpha Delta accidentally created a portal to the underworld. Th...
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7 Things Donald Trump Looks Like

January 29, 2016 by

You have heard of him and you have seen him. He is the legendary Donald Trump. Now here are some different ways of seeing Donald Trump that really show why his appearance trumps the rest of his politi...
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UCSB Students Disregard E. Coli Breakout, Pay The $1.95 to Add Guac

January 24, 2016 by

GOLETA — A newly released study conducted by a special University student-focused division of the Pew Research Center has found widespread apathy in regards to the health risks associated with Chipo...
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UCSB Creates Supplemental College Application

January 22, 2016 by

Getting into college nowadays is no joke. However, the application process is a long and grueling journey. Besides the fact that you have to spend about $90 bucks per application, you also have to com...
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5 Useful Apps for the Average UCSB Student

January 20, 2016 by

Although technology has progressed rapidly over the past decade, the fact that I still have to get out of bed for my morning caffeine is proof enough that it has not progressed enough. For most of lif...
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Jeb Bush’s Guac Recipe: As Disappointing As His Brother’s Presidency

January 16, 2016 by

After months of build-up and eager anticipation, the first juicy reveal of campaign season has finally occurred. Just before the New Year, Jeb Bush unveiled his highly secretive guacamole recipe durin...
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TeaKitten: Passionate Peach For Your Passionate Peach

January 15, 2016 by

You know how it goes. Your new Tinder bae invites you over to Netflix and chill, and 20 minutes into the provocative world of “Bob’s Burgers,” things start getting steamy. Roommate sexiled, twin...
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7-Eleven Secret Menu

January 12, 2016 by

We all know about the beautiful gold that is the secret In-N-Out menu, but did you know that your local 7-Eleven also has its own culinary code? Here are some of Nexustentialism’s favorite combinati...
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