Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
Last Sunday, it was reported that several patients at Sunny Hills Hospital were found to have elevated BAC levels. After a thorough investigation, it was revealed that all intoxicated patients receive...
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After weeks of silence, I have decided it is time for me to make my statement. I know many of you have been waiting for this moment, so I will keep this short and to the point. Why the hell are so man...
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Trumpeted by the thundering waves, bellowing frat boys and wailing sirens of a Friday night in Isla Vista, the great Chancellor Yang descended upon one unworthy Nexus writer to set forth a set of rule...
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Look, I’ve got to say something here, but don’t think this means I love you any less, because that’s just not true; my love will never change. You’ve taken me places and done things for me I d...
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The term “roommate” is a funny one. Per the perennial linguistic powerhouse, dictionary.com, it is simply defined as, “a person who is assigned to share or shares a room or apartment with anothe...
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In case you missed it, Twitter unveiled a new way to show your appreciation of another person’s tweet this week. Instead of having the option to “favorite” a tweet with a star, you now “like...
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Fuckboi (n.): a male specimen who has the characteristics or tendencies of the ultimate douchebag; possibly considers himself a “meninist”; makes up for his insecurities by drinking a lot o...
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I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really tired of hearing about how Selena Gomez walks with her legs or that Justin Timberlake uses paper towels to dry his hands. As someone who uses deli slice...
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Instead of recognizing any cultural significance behind the beautiful names designating each unique street in this community, we’ve relabeled them all for present day accuracy. 65 Block: Bey...
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We all remember those thrilling, spooky, sugar-induced nights as children where we got to be whatever we wanted and would go around collecting candy just for being cute in our costumes. Those were tru...
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Are you tired of having to deal with the high cost of alcohol? Or maybe you’re a freshman without a fake I.D. and no upperclassmen as friends. Either way, worry no more, because cheap and easy booze...
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Halloween is only a hop, skip and jump away, so here at the Daily Nexus, we’d like you to join us in conducting a bit of a thought experiment. Imagine that, just for a second, only evil individuals ...
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Californians received a huge relief this past Wednesday when a heavy rainstorm flooded the state with an average of 1.5 inches of precipitation. Governor Jerry Brown called a press conference to offic...
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With Halloween just a couple weeks away, the panic to find the perfect costume is setting in. Getting the stuff necessary to become the perfect Daenerys Targaryen or Donald Trump can get pretty expens...
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Ladies and gentlemen, and those who feel they fall somewhere else on the gender spectrum (we are all-inclusive here at the Daily Nexus), grab a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and stay awhile — October is up...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
