Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

2015 Pop-Culture Highlights

January 2, 2016 by

Fellow Gauchos, 2015 is officially over. Can you believe it!? Even though it seems to have lasted all of five minutes, so much has happened in the world of celebrities, TV, movies, music and strange y...
read more

13 Reasons Why Santa Sucks

December 25, 2015 by

Despite what his name suggests, old Saint Nick is no saint. Here are a few reasons to stop idealizing this son of a nutcracker. 1.) He is a slave owner You think those elves are getting #paid? Hell no...
read more

Sorority Sally’s Christmas Diary Entry

December 24, 2015 by

Dear Diary, Today made me so sad. Like SO sad. Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year and I actually can’t handle all the desperation and sadness in these Christmas songs. T...
read more

DIY Ugly Christmas Sweater Guide

December 23, 2015 by

A step-by-step guide to uglifying a perfectly good sweater, just in time for the holiday season! Hopefully this guide inspires the mediocre DIY artists of our generation, as well as the people who are...
read more

Highly Anticipated Features of New Library

December 20, 2015 by

With only less than one month until the unveiling of the renovated library (FINALLY), you’re probably getting anxious to check it out!  I don’t blame you — it’s going to be a bastion of all s...
read more

40 Funniest Venmo Captions

December 17, 2015 by

Venmo is a lifesaver. It lets you pay that $2.33 you owe your friend for a slice of pizza, your drug dealer or any other person that also has a Venmo account. Is it slightly sketchy to hook up your ba...
read more

Liberal Arts Student Puts Aside Social Justice to Enjoy Family Dinner

December 4, 2015 by

In recent years, the young people of the millennial generation have grown out of the warmth and comfort of their childhood holiday experiences, transitioning into the cold, harsh reality of adulthood....
read more

El Niño Survival Guide

December 2, 2015 by

As the Santa Barbara winter approaches and the much anticipated El Niño pours down on our perfect little beach city, we must prepare for something that most Californians don’t have very much expe...
read more

Yik Yaks at Home vs Yik Yaks in I.V.

December 1, 2015 by

Yik Yak is a cyber-community that shares the sexual, weird, funny or sometimes even lonely anonymous thoughts of those around you. Isla Vista is lucky in the fact that we have quite a lively community...
read more

Get Stuffed: A Pardoned Turkey Speaks Out

November 26, 2015 by

Since John F. Kennedy in 1963, each year the president has saved a turkey from becoming dinner and sent it to live out its days on a countryside farm. This merciful gesture, however, is not without co...
read more

Sorority Girl Forgets Uggs; Cannot Survive El Niño

November 25, 2015 by

These past bouts of El Niño have greatly affected the Isla Vista community. Greek Life in general has taken a major hit, resulting in the cancellation of Fratopia daygers and snappa games due to flas...
read more

UCSB Blood Transfusions Intoxicate Local Hospital Patients

November 23, 2015 by

Last Sunday, it was reported that several patients at Sunny Hills Hospital were found to have elevated BAC levels. After a thorough investigation, it was revealed that all intoxicated patients receive...
read more

Controversial Starbucks Cup Breaks Silence

November 18, 2015 by

After weeks of silence, I have decided it is time for me to make my statement. I know many of you have been waiting for this moment, so I will keep this short and to the point. Why the hell are so man...
read more

10 Isla Vista Commandments

November 17, 2015 by

Trumpeted by the thundering waves, bellowing frat boys and wailing sirens of a Friday night in Isla Vista, the great Chancellor Yang descended upon one unworthy Nexus writer to set forth a set of rule...
read more

A Breakup Letter to Trader Joe’s

November 12, 2015 by

Look, I’ve got to say something here, but don’t think this means I love you any less, because that’s just not true; my love will never change. You’ve taken me places and done things for me I d...
read more