Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
Getting into college nowadays is no joke. However, the application process is a long and grueling journey. Besides the fact that you have to spend about $90 bucks per application, you also have to com...
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Although technology has progressed rapidly over the past decade, the fact that I still have to get out of bed for my morning caffeine is proof enough that it has not progressed enough. For most of lif...
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After months of build-up and eager anticipation, the first juicy reveal of campaign season has finally occurred. Just before the New Year, Jeb Bush unveiled his highly secretive guacamole recipe durin...
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You know how it goes. Your new Tinder bae invites you over to Netflix and chill, and 20 minutes into the provocative world of “Bob’s Burgers,” things start getting steamy. Roommate sexiled, twin...
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We all know about the beautiful gold that is the secret In-N-Out menu, but did you know that your local 7-Eleven also has its own culinary code? Here are some of Nexustentialism’s favorite combinati...
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Even if you’ve only recently joined the UCSB Free & For Sale Facebook group, you’ve likely already come across some interesting wares. Although the page promises “dirty couches, alcohol, and...
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Three are injured and two are in emergency care after a crash on the sidewalk in front of the Arbor yesterday morning. Reports say the accident was caused when a hoverboarder lost control of his vehic...
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Fellow Gauchos, 2015 is officially over. Can you believe it!? Even though it seems to have lasted all of five minutes, so much has happened in the world of celebrities, TV, movies, music and strange y...
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Despite what his name suggests, old Saint Nick is no saint. Here are a few reasons to stop idealizing this son of a nutcracker. 1.) He is a slave owner You think those elves are getting #paid? Hell no...
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Dear Diary, Today made me so sad. Like SO sad. Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year and I actually can’t handle all the desperation and sadness in these Christmas songs. T...
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A step-by-step guide to uglifying a perfectly good sweater, just in time for the holiday season! Hopefully this guide inspires the mediocre DIY artists of our generation, as well as the people who are...
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With only less than one month until the unveiling of the renovated library (FINALLY), you’re probably getting anxious to check it out! I don’t blame you — it’s going to be a bastion of all s...
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Venmo is a lifesaver. It lets you pay that $2.33 you owe your friend for a slice of pizza, your drug dealer or any other person that also has a Venmo account. Is it slightly sketchy to hook up your ba...
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In recent years, the young people of the millennial generation have grown out of the warmth and comfort of their childhood holiday experiences, transitioning into the cold, harsh reality of adulthood....
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As the Santa Barbara winter approaches and the much anticipated El Niño pours down on our perfect little beach city, we must prepare for something that most Californians don’t have very much expe...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
