Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Clinton, Sanders Drop Out of Race, Chancellor Yang Set To Run

May 30, 2016 by

A regular superhero, Yang plans to fulfill his duties as chancellor for the remainder of the year while simultaneously running a full-fledged campaign.
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Haikus to Student Health

May 24, 2016 by

A series of Haikus dedicated to the unique experience of going to Student Health.
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Quiz: Which UCSB Lecture Hall Are You?

May 19, 2016 by

Now you can sort everyone into a new set of arbitrary labels to your heart’s content.
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New Starbucks in the UCen: Proposed UCSB-Themed Secret Menu

May 17, 2016 by

With a new Starbucks location coming to the UCSB campus, it's time to take a look at some proposed off-the-menu options.
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Friday the 13th Is Coming For You

May 13, 2016 by

Inescapable curses await you if you dare to step outside today.
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To Taste Portola: A Flavorscape

May 11, 2016 by

This week in the review that no one asked for, I will be analyzing the flavorscape of UCSB’s infamous dining common, Portola.
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Sorority Sally vs. Frat Phil: Top Netflix Picks for Every Sitch

May 9, 2016 by and

We dive all up in our young Netflix queues to give you some fiery suggestions for all your basic lit-uations.
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Kardashians Spell Doom for Democracy, Says Professor

May 6, 2016 by

He decided that America had failed him and that the American political system was so overrun by E! News and Bravo that there was no chance for it to ever be resurrected.
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Make it Through Midterms with Minimal Misery

May 5, 2016 by

Midterm season never ends, so why should your suffering?
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President Trump Implements Project to ‘Make Isla Vista Great Again’

April 27, 2016 by

Local residents were graced with the presence of President Trump when he stopped as part of his multi-step program, “Make Isla Vista Great Again.”
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Lecture Survival Tips: How To Stay Awake in Class

April 22, 2016 by

Soon you’ll be fending off so many stress dreams that you won’t even want to fall asleep!
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Broke Students Say ‘F*$& $500 GA passes,’ Hold Libchella on Davidson Lawn

April 19, 2016 by

"I can’t event tell the difference between Libchella and the real thing when scrolling through my Instagram feed."
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Student Passes Arbor Unscathed, but at Great Cost

April 15, 2016 by

Yesterday a student reportedly made it through the Arbor without a single organization trying to persuade him towards their cause. Yet, while this may appear to be every Gaucho's dream, it was this s...
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An Open Letter from a Struggling Bio Student

April 14, 2016 by

No matter how many times I mention the acronyms MCDB or EEMB, people don’t understand.
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Incoming Freshman Outbreak Threatens To Overrun UCSB

April 12, 2016 by

Hordes of high school seniors swarmed campus following the release of a virus known as "letters of admission."
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