Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Highly Anticipated Features of New Library

December 20, 2015 by

With only less than one month until the unveiling of the renovated library (FINALLY), you’re probably getting anxious to check it out!  I don’t blame you — it’s going to be a bastion of all s...
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40 Funniest Venmo Captions

December 17, 2015 by

Venmo is a lifesaver. It lets you pay that $2.33 you owe your friend for a slice of pizza, your drug dealer or any other person that also has a Venmo account. Is it slightly sketchy to hook up your ba...
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Liberal Arts Student Puts Aside Social Justice to Enjoy Family Dinner

December 4, 2015 by

In recent years, the young people of the millennial generation have grown out of the warmth and comfort of their childhood holiday experiences, transitioning into the cold, harsh reality of adulthood....
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El Niño Survival Guide

December 2, 2015 by

As the Santa Barbara winter approaches and the much anticipated El Niño pours down on our perfect little beach city, we must prepare for something that most Californians don’t have very much expe...
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Yik Yaks at Home vs Yik Yaks in I.V.

December 1, 2015 by

Yik Yak is a cyber-community that shares the sexual, weird, funny or sometimes even lonely anonymous thoughts of those around you. Isla Vista is lucky in the fact that we have quite a lively community...
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Get Stuffed: A Pardoned Turkey Speaks Out

November 26, 2015 by

Since John F. Kennedy in 1963, each year the president has saved a turkey from becoming dinner and sent it to live out its days on a countryside farm. This merciful gesture, however, is not without co...
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Sorority Girl Forgets Uggs; Cannot Survive El Niño

November 25, 2015 by

These past bouts of El Niño have greatly affected the Isla Vista community. Greek Life in general has taken a major hit, resulting in the cancellation of Fratopia daygers and snappa games due to flas...
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UCSB Blood Transfusions Intoxicate Local Hospital Patients

November 23, 2015 by

Last Sunday, it was reported that several patients at Sunny Hills Hospital were found to have elevated BAC levels. After a thorough investigation, it was revealed that all intoxicated patients receive...
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Controversial Starbucks Cup Breaks Silence

November 18, 2015 by

After weeks of silence, I have decided it is time for me to make my statement. I know many of you have been waiting for this moment, so I will keep this short and to the point. Why the hell are so man...
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10 Isla Vista Commandments

November 17, 2015 by

Trumpeted by the thundering waves, bellowing frat boys and wailing sirens of a Friday night in Isla Vista, the great Chancellor Yang descended upon one unworthy Nexus writer to set forth a set of rule...
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A Breakup Letter to Trader Joe’s

November 12, 2015 by

Look, I’ve got to say something here, but don’t think this means I love you any less, because that’s just not true; my love will never change. You’ve taken me places and done things for me I d...
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The Comprehensive Roommate Breakdown

November 11, 2015 by

The term “roommate” is a funny one. Per the perennial linguistic powerhouse, dictionary.com, it is simply defined as, “a person who is assigned to share or shares a room or apartment with anothe...
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Twitter Threatens Male Masculinity

November 10, 2015 by

In case you missed it, Twitter unveiled a new way to show your appreciation of another person’s tweet this week. Instead of having the option to “favorite” a tweet with a star, you now “like...
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How To Spot An I.V. Fuckboi

November 5, 2015 by

  Fuckboi (n.): a male specimen who has the characteristics or tendencies of the ultimate douchebag; possibly considers himself a “meninist”; makes up for his insecurities by drinking a lot o...
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If Stars Were Really ‘Just Like Us’

November 4, 2015 by

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really tired of hearing about how Selena Gomez walks with her legs or that Justin Timberlake uses paper towels to dry his hands. As someone who uses deli slice...
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