Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
In-N-Out’s co-assistant branch manager of business relations, Chip Skylar, headed a press conference Monday to break the news that In-N-Out would be closing all of its 300-plus locations, effective ...
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“Not many sorority girls can say that they’ve done that — that they can even.”
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Given the fact that California has been in a record-setting drought for the last five years, the promise of heavy rains and snow has given residents hope that they will not have to live in a time wher...
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Stay under the influence and above the curve.
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It’s not yet sunrise but my coffee is brewing, stoked for what’s coming, can’t wait to start cruising. “Goin’ to class?” my awakened roommate asks. “Hell no,” says I, “El Niño is he...
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ISLA VISTA — On Friday, Jan. 29, 2016, Santa Barbara County Fire Department responded to calls after the UCSB chapter of Delta Epsilon Alpha Delta accidentally created a portal to the underworld. Th...
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You have heard of him and you have seen him. He is the legendary Donald Trump. Now here are some different ways of seeing Donald Trump that really show why his appearance trumps the rest of his politi...
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GOLETA — A newly released study conducted by a special University student-focused division of the Pew Research Center has found widespread apathy in regards to the health risks associated with Chipo...
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Getting into college nowadays is no joke. However, the application process is a long and grueling journey. Besides the fact that you have to spend about $90 bucks per application, you also have to com...
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Although technology has progressed rapidly over the past decade, the fact that I still have to get out of bed for my morning caffeine is proof enough that it has not progressed enough. For most of lif...
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After months of build-up and eager anticipation, the first juicy reveal of campaign season has finally occurred. Just before the New Year, Jeb Bush unveiled his highly secretive guacamole recipe durin...
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You know how it goes. Your new Tinder bae invites you over to Netflix and chill, and 20 minutes into the provocative world of “Bob’s Burgers,” things start getting steamy. Roommate sexiled, twin...
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We all know about the beautiful gold that is the secret In-N-Out menu, but did you know that your local 7-Eleven also has its own culinary code? Here are some of Nexustentialism’s favorite combinati...
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Even if you’ve only recently joined the UCSB Free & For Sale Facebook group, you’ve likely already come across some interesting wares. Although the page promises “dirty couches, alcohol, and...
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Ride through the bike path without crashing
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Drunk for 24 hours
Bagel crawl
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Finally talk to their class crush
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Graduate
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
