Blogs

July 17, 2018

Best Places To Get Sunburned at UCSB

By Mel A. Noma

UCSB is a notoriously sunny and beautiful place. Here are the top five places to soak up the sun and get burned way faster than you’re willing to admit to any of your friends!

July 10, 2018

A Look Into Your Sole

By Anat Katzir

Take a quick look to see what your shoe choice says about you!

July 3, 2018

Local Woman Already Bored Shitless

By Hannah Jackson

Just a few weeks into the most highly-anticipated season of the year, area woman Crissy Anderson is already bored shitless.

June 26, 2018

Local Trump Supporter Reflects on Detained Children: I, Too Have Been Sent to Detention

By Trigh Mebish

UCSB transfer student Chad DeLabia is reportedly “super confused” as to why this whole immigration thing is so darn controversial.

June 22, 2018

Brother, can you spare a trash?

By Grr M. Pache

Hells lo, my names is Grrr M. Pache. I is racoon who lives in tree behind big human tree with top.

June 8, 2018

Not Too Late for Something Weird to Still Happen

By Clayton Alexander

Here we are in Week 10, and it just occurred to me that no big meteorological or geographical catastrophe has taken place.

June 7, 2018

Senior Woman Has One Week Left to Find Provider

By Emma Demorest

Sidney Davis, a fourth-year economics major, became stressed this week at the realization that she is about to graduate without being in a stable heterosexual relationship that could end in marriage.

June 7, 2018

Farewell from the Outgoing Nexustentialism Editor

By Erin Lubitz

The Nexustentialism editor from the 2017-2018 school year says goodbye to her beloved section.

June 6, 2018

UCen Post Office Staff Think They’re Better Than You

By Anat Katzir

A new hierarchy has presented itself at UCSB. Not related to Associated Students or the Office of Student Affairs, rather the University Center Post Office.

June 5, 2018

10 Reasons Why San Nic Is so Sick I’d Suck its Dick

By Nicola Nicoli

These were the 10 most meaningful experiences, gifts and opportunities that San Nic blessed students with during the 2017-2018 school year!

June 4, 2018

127 minutes: This student’s arm was stuck under her Hookup’s sleeping body

By Emma Demorest

Second-year Eden Whisman this week is being hailed a hero after surviving 127 grueling minutes pinned under the sleeping body of her weekend hookup.

June 1, 2018

Anything Could Be a Sex Toy if You Try Hard Enough: UCSB Edition

By Phyllis Phallus

It’s a well-known fact that UCSB is home to some of the kinkiest motherfuckers out there, so it’s about goddamn time we up the stakes with some good old sex toys inspired by this college!

May 31, 2018

Why Am I the Only Person Who Cannot Find a Cocaine???

By Hannah Jackson

Well everyone, it’s happened again. I could not find a single cocaine to purchase this Saturday night.

May 30, 2018

The #Plategate Scandal

By Kian Karamdashti

It all started approximately three months ago when, after a joyous Sunday morning breakfast, an unidentified member of your house put a dirty plate in the, gasp, clean dish rack.

May 25, 2018

Coffee Spill in Harold Frank Hall Befouls Five Backpacks

By Clayton Alexander

In a press briefing early this morning, CSO Chief, Copson Robberts, confirmed the rumors that a total of five backpacks were destroyed in an unfortunate coffee accident in Harold Frank Hall’s main lecturing hall.