Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
As UC Santa Barbara’s coolest and sexiest new students adjust to their college lifestyles, the class of 2027 goes to new lengths in order to find sex without having to look each other in the eyes. I...
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Chancellor Henry T. Yang announces the reroute of the Tour de France to the UC Santa Barbara bike lanes and enrolls each student as a racer.
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“Yeah, I usually just have a clock open during class. I don’t really need to take notes on the lecture or anything, I am studying the time. I’ve got to get out of here actually,” said second-y...
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After three long years of slaving away (looking on Quizlet) and breaking our backs (using ChatGPT) for our degrees, I can confidently speak for all seniors when I say: We are tired.
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iOlé, Gauchos! UC Santa Barbara, despite its vaguely racist mascot while being a Hispanic Serving Institution, has long been known for having a large population of Latinx students, making Hispanic He...
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Foreseeable by no one and absolutely unprecedented, Isla Vista residents were stunned on Oct. 6 when the raucous college town suddenly fell into the Pacific Ocean.
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Freshmeat will be here before you know it, and as the strong, wise, and mature upperclassmen, we must be ready.
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Print this out, laminate it and carry it around at all times for easy perusal.
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The nausea that you get from being on TikTok for 15 hours every day is the nausea you wish was from a 15 hour flight to Spain.
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Shortly after confessing his deep feelings for Marcy, Deulu decided it was time to end things.
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Honestly, it’s just a really bad financial decision on your part; she would’ve been so popular.
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Ahh, the sweet sound of healthy communication.
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“That doesn’t even make sense? Why the fuck do they still call it Chai Tea Latte — chai literally means tea. You idiots are ordering a Tea Tea Latte. Do you realize how stupid that sounds?”
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“It’s so nice tah see all the Canadian flags aboot tahday, eh?” said Maple Snowbeaver, the Canadian exchange student in question.
April 20: Weed Day.
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“Precious Slut” will now be called “Immaculate Virgin” in order to better align with newfound Christian beliefs.
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Ends on ‘good terms’ but is blocked on Instagram
Slow fade
Ghosting them on a random Monday
“It’s not you, it’s me”
Drunk Uber “we need to talk” voice memo
Presents a notes app pros and cons list
Asks to still be friends
Drops their stuff off, never speaks to them again
Texts “this isn’t working” then posts from another country
“It’s not me, it’s you”
Tells them they need to focus on Econ 10A
Delivers a hand-written letter to their mom
