Sexy Mountain Lion They say fear and arousal often go hand in hand, so take a page out of Mother Nature’s book and dress up as the newest apex predator to hit the streets of Isla Vista...
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As Halloween approaches and annual chain-link fences have suddenly sprung up around I.V. like skeletal sheets rising from their graves, a series of recent investigations have revealed Chancellor Yang ...
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Somewhere, Calif. –– In a spectacular yet relatable blunder this weekend, freshman Greg Harrison somehow ended up riding a SBMTD bus over 150 miles to the suburbs of Los Angeles while tryin...
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Isla Vista, Calif. — Having recently moved into his (and his eight roommates’) new apartment on the 65 block of Sabado Tarde, second-year student, Jacob Greene, finally got a good, close lo...
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Following protests over the construction of the Thirty Meter Telescope on the slopes of Mauna Kea in Hawaii, Disney® Resorts has announced construction plans for a new Space Mountain™-themed roller...
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This just in: UCSB’s automated email-delivery service has recently broken a new record! It has been revealed that — for the first time — phishing scams now make up the majority of the not...
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In a recent report released by whatever lonely researchers are still on campus during summer sessions, it has been revealed that the incidence of lone tumbleweeds drifting through the streets o...
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The Nexus recently conducted an interview with well-known phallic symbol and campus icon, Storke Tower, in hopes of learning more about the inner machinations of the enigmatic mind of the landmark. Fo...
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This Monday, modern-day saint, Benedict Dope Paul II refused to let a single sneeze in his 300-person lecture hall go unblessed. Shocked onlookers witnessed this modern crusader bravely serve his fell...
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Today, nearly a whole business week before Extravaganza celebrations are due to begin, UCSB student Molly Poppins decided to preemptively get in the spirit of the festival the only way she knows how -...
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Earlier this week, during the daily lunch-rush feeding frenzy at the University Center’s Panda Express, the wait time for this inauthentic — yet no less delicious — cuisine reached an all-time h...
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It’s almost alumni weekend here at UCSB, and with flocks of former Gauchos returning to campus, the university’s academic ranking is dropping by the second.
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Recently, Gauchospace released yet another of its periodic site updates — this time including the addition of each user’s student ID photo to its homepage, which students must access in order to v...
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Due to concerns regarding the drunken rowdiness, tomfoolery and other miscellaneous shenaniganz that have come to be associated with Deltopia celebrations, the I.V. Foot Patrol declared martial law in...
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Eyewitnesses have reported that Storke Tower, the proud phallic symbol of UC Santa Barbara, has – devastatingly – gone flaccid. The 175-foot-tall tower, which was first erected in front of the Uni...
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A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
The angel that has definitely never gone out
The literal devil
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
