Weather

October 8, 2004

Cats Can’t Read

By system

There's more than one way to skin a cat, but using a potato peeler is probably not the most efficient choice. Nor the most humane, I suppose. Unless you tranquilized it first or something...

October 7, 2004

A Macroscopic Success

By system

There are still many unanswered questions in this universe: If you were a quark, what color would you be? Would I become a genius if I ate the brains of a Nobel Prize-winning physicist? How does it feel to win the Nobel ...

October 6, 2004

Too Much Information

By system

Presenting the latest installment of "When Sports Commentators Get Really Desperate"

October 5, 2004

Walking Chernobyl

By system

I met a lady who said her aura extended a whopping 3 feet from her body. This, she informed me, is quite abnormal; most auras are only a few inches.

October 4, 2004

Stupid Pet Owner Tricks

By system

This weekend, I watched a hamster spin around in a wheel. Hamsters seem to do this a lot if given the chance, which makes me wonder why most other animals don't.

October 1, 2004

There’s No Use Arguing

By system

In last night's Great Debate, Kerry and Bush both explained their qualifications to lead Iraq. Bush cited his testosterone levels, and Kerry countered with the fact that he, too, is male and resolute.

September 30, 2004

Waste and Want Not

By system

I can't make it from one end of the Arbor to the other without being accosted by the flier zombies. Only a week into the quarter, I've already accumulated enough coffehouse show ads to kindle a moderate-size fire.

September 29, 2004

Code Red City

By system

The U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security just bought the entire town of Playas, N.M. (pop. 50), for use in anti-terror training (seriously). Emergency workers will simulate anthrax attacks, suicide bombings and water-supply ...

September 28, 2004

What a Deal

By system

Words are important. I'm not just saying this as a biased newspaperhuman. Words, or the lack of, can completely change the meaning of stuff and all that.

September 27, 2004

Drowning the Rat

By system

Has Bush stirred up God's divine wrath? Some Internet sites are saying that Hurricanes Charley, Frances and Ivan directly hit only those Florida counties that voted for Bush in 2000. It's an interesting yet false observa...

September 24, 2004

Anchors Aweigh

By system

My heart goes out to the DP residents who've suddenly been forced by the county to find a new place to live, and all because of some silly business about their homes being about to collapse.

September 23, 2004

Take a Load Off

By system

Recently I heard a freshman ask her companion, "Do you think we should bring our textbooks to class?" Unfortunately, many students fail to bring their textbooks on the first day.

September 16, 2004

Welcome Back

By system

Oh boy, a new school year. It's times like this I wish I could travel back in time and start summer all over again but this time that goddamn balloon salesman would BEG to ...

July 7, 2004

Friends Without Benefits

By system

So I'm sure people are all a-twitter about the Friends finale. I think it might be a while before another sitcom that big comes along.

June 30, 2004

Rent-a-Friend

By system

Change is in the air at the weatherhouse. The weatherhousemates are being forced to relocate because their greek organization is threatening to charge them several hundred dollars if they don't move into the animal house...

June 3, 2004

Secretly Not a Blond(e)?

By system

Like, oh my god, it's time for a new weatherhuman!!! I'm totally sure I'll be able to keep my gender unknown next year! I can totally keep a secret... like when Ashley and Brad hooked up at Ashley's party (my other Ashle...