The U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security just bought the entire town of Playas, N.M. (pop. 50), for use in anti-terror training (seriously). Emergency workers will simulate anthrax attacks, suicide bombings and water-supply poisonings. (Fear not; the anthrax attackers, suicide bombers and water-supply poisoners will only pretend to be terrorists.)

I’m a bit worried, though, that the residents will eventually grow complacent. Freedom-hating terrorists like Count Dracula will then infiltrate the town and drink the life source of young virgins while the townsfolk yawn and say, “No big deal, it’s just those terrorist-simulation vampire bites.”

Wednesday’s forecast: “If we carry garlic around, the terrorists will have won.”