Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

10 Types of People You Left in Your Hometown

July 11, 2016 by

Sometimes we get so caught up in exams, essays and labs that we don’t remember anything else. We forget that not everyone made it out of our wretched hometowns.
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What Will These Photos of Clouds Reveal About Your Personality?

July 8, 2016 by

Reveal new truths about your deepest self through the most accurate personality quiz known to mankind as of ten minutes ago.
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5 Ways to Take Advantage of the California Wildfires

July 6, 2016 by

It's officially wildfire season, but don't let the large scale burning of property and nature get you down! Here are 5 great ways to take advantage of this underrated summertime staple.
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Freshman Returns Home for Summer, Is Terrible

June 27, 2016 by

Thanks to three quarters of undergrad, Nelson claims to have learned much on topics ranging from plate tectonics and statistics to Jägermeister, marijuana and having sex all the time.
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PETA Mistakes Freebirds for Poultry Activism Group, Backpedals After Seeing Nachos

June 20, 2016 by

Earlier this year, the group publicly endorsed the restaurant for its “pro-bird activism,” despite the fact that no member had set foot inside the establishment.
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Clinton, Sanders Drop Out of Race, Chancellor Yang Set To Run

May 30, 2016 by

A regular superhero, Yang plans to fulfill his duties as chancellor for the remainder of the year while simultaneously running a full-fledged campaign.
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Haikus to Student Health

May 24, 2016 by

A series of Haikus dedicated to the unique experience of going to Student Health.
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Quiz: Which UCSB Lecture Hall Are You?

May 19, 2016 by

Now you can sort everyone into a new set of arbitrary labels to your heart’s content.
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New Starbucks in the UCen: Proposed UCSB-Themed Secret Menu

May 17, 2016 by

With a new Starbucks location coming to the UCSB campus, it's time to take a look at some proposed off-the-menu options.
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Friday the 13th Is Coming For You

May 13, 2016 by

Inescapable curses await you if you dare to step outside today.
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To Taste Portola: A Flavorscape

May 11, 2016 by

This week in the review that no one asked for, I will be analyzing the flavorscape of UCSB’s infamous dining common, Portola.
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Sorority Sally vs. Frat Phil: Top Netflix Picks for Every Sitch

May 9, 2016 by and

We dive all up in our young Netflix queues to give you some fiery suggestions for all your basic lit-uations.
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Kardashians Spell Doom for Democracy, Says Professor

May 6, 2016 by

He decided that America had failed him and that the American political system was so overrun by E! News and Bravo that there was no chance for it to ever be resurrected.
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Make it Through Midterms with Minimal Misery

May 5, 2016 by

Midterm season never ends, so why should your suffering?
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President Trump Implements Project to ‘Make Isla Vista Great Again’

April 27, 2016 by

Local residents were graced with the presence of President Trump when he stopped as part of his multi-step program, “Make Isla Vista Great Again.”
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