The halls of “Hipsters R Us” offer so many overpriced merchandise options for you to regret later, and it can be hard to choose just one. But we know you picked one anyways, so find out below what your purchase says about your personality.
You can already see the perfect pumpkin patch Instagram, and you’re in deep denial about the local climate. The weather app predicts 90 degrees for every day in the foreseeable future, but that’s not going to stop you from grabbing those fall vibes by the horns. Don’t forget to hit up Starbucks on your way to the pumpkin patch; after all, is it really even that time of the year if you don’t have the PSL to prove it?
Adulthood is not going to get you down just yet. You are feeling bright eyed and hopeful for the future, and the impossibly low square footage of your dorm room doesn’t deter you from trying to live like any regular adult. That Kraft Mac ‘n’ Cheese is going to look so arthouse in that $80 copper pot.
You’ve left home and you’re feeling bold and brand new, but not quite bold enough to free the nipple. This marks a fork in the road for you; 30 years down the line, when you drop your kid off at soccer practice and your phone lights up saying one of your college friends tagged you in a bunch of photos as you’re getting back into your brand new Honda Odyssey, your heart sinks and your immediate thought is “God, I just hope I was wearing a real shirt”.
There was something deeply poetic about the moment Sam gave Charlie that gleaming 1920’s typewriter the night before she left for Penn State, and surely any real writer should experience the labor of physically forcing the letters onto the page, you know, work for the final product. Maybe look into getting a single room next year, because by then you’ll probably be chiseling words into slabs of stone until the wee hours of the morning, and no roommate is going to want to put up with that.
You know how to make something out of nothing, and any wall can be a blank canvas waiting to be smothered by an edgy identity if you choose. If anybody asks, it’s from a garage sale you went to last summer in Portland and you definitely didn’t spend $60 +express shipping on it…
As far as you’re concerned, they should really be sold under the “Home Decor” tab, because they perfectly accent that coral bedspread and probably won’t ever be opened.
Silences, however brief they may be, are your worst nightmare, and any social gathering is a waste of time if it doesn’t yield at least one perfect polaroid.
You like to play it safe while still standing out from the crowd, and these sparkling room accessories are the perfect way to be unique while remaining approachable! People from your floor like to come over and hang out because you have your shit together and your room feels like an ethereal, cozy escape from the harsh world of grey carpets and fluorescent lights that prevail just outside your door.
You’ve been spending a lot of time on Tumblr.com (particularly scrolling through the #arthoe tag) and all those pictures of girls in their mustard colored socks and miniature succulents finally got to your head. It’s alright, though, because we’ve all been there and we all agree that it’s a good, self-indulgent time.
As far as you’re concerned, it’s $15 well spent, and honestly, no one questions it.
Elisabeth March is a first year student whose entire fortune has been lost to the frighteningly effective marketing strategies of the youth fashion conglomerate discussed in this article.