Opinion

April 3, 2002

Parking Structure

By Staff

The combination of responsible attendance and new bikes, double U-locked with the promise that they will remain in their owners' possession, clog and clutter most of the lots.

April 3, 2002

Circumcision Cuts Close to the Bone

By Sarah Kent

Being a sex columnist, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the range of topics that randomly pop up when I'm in a crowd. But I have no idea where the word "circumcision" came into anything I said. Honest.

April 3, 2002

Cut the ‘Animal House’-Style Sexism in April Fool’s Issue

By Nina Crowley

As a parent, even one with a pretty weird sense of humor, I think "Young Voices: Who I Did on Spring Break '02" (Daily Nexus, April 1) is not funny. In fact it could be construed as dangerous.

April 2, 2002

Leafs and Leavings

By Staff

It's time for the quarterly tulips and turds to be dished out.

April 2, 2002

Exhibitionists

By Staff

I went looking for a warm patch of sand in Mexico to wile away the Spring vacation and wound up one night in Papas 'n' Beer. I found myself staring, along with a sizable portion of the sizable crowd, at a handful of girl...

April 2, 2002

Living Without Vowels: Pro-Lifer Knows How to Use Dead Babies to Get People Yelling

By Steven Ruszczycky

The aborted fetus on the sign the girl held looked like a wild panther had mauled it and then crammed the carcass in a blender to make smoothies for its cubs. I turned to my friend and told him I was hungry for veal.

April 2, 2002

UCSB Students Should Recognize Venoco’s Slick Plans

By Athena Sojourner-Nelson

When most University of California Santa Barbara students stand on Campus Point and look out at Platform Holly - the closest oil platform to I.V. - they don't think much of it.

April 2, 2002

UC Should Not Recall Students Studying in Israel

By Elie Raber

We have been briefed that the UC officers are considering suspending the program. I am begging you not to do that. All of us acknowledge that this is a very troubled time and that your concerns for our safety are well pl...

April 2, 2002

Respect Other People’s Property in I.V., You Pack of Savage Apes

By Carrie Mccoy

My roommate was driving on the freeway at 70 mph when her tire burst. The reason her tire burst was because some asshole slashed the tires of every car parked on Camino Corto the night before.

April 1, 2002

Hello, its Me, God. Listen up, suckers.

By Staff

Hey everybody.God here. Thought I'd use my mystical power of divine intervention on this, the day following the passion of my humanish kid, Jesus.

April 1, 2002

Serious issues facing our fraternities

By Staff

Dude, brahs, sup?

April 1, 2002

Leggies need beer with whine

By Marvin Boyle

Alcohol is an integral part of college life. We drink in I.V., in the bars downtown; some of us even pour it on our Cheerios in the morning.

April 1, 2002

Reporters press for more booze

By Theodore Ruxbin

For the past three years, I've had to sit through A.S. Leg Council, covering their inane chatter and bickering for the Isla Vista News-Suppress.

April 1, 2002

My column, having achieved perfection, does not need any editing

By Crystal McSwanson

Note to editors: You don't have to edit this story. Please run it tomorrow and call me if you change anything.

April 1, 2002

Global warming is heart warming

By Susy Bucket

During my five years at UCSB I've heard nothing but "global warming is bad," "help stop global warming," "blah blah blah, global warming."

April 1, 2002

Why must UC see up my anal cavity?

By Phil Leak

I understand that security is a big issue since the Sept. 11 attacks, but did UCSB really have to install cameras in all the bathrooms around campus?