Opinion
California's budget crisis is seriously downplayed in the media. Many don't realize Gov. Schwarzenegger declared a fiscal state of emergency this month. I feel it's my civic duty to bring readers a th...
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Decades ago, today's newspaper would merely become tomorrow's birdcage lining. However, with the dawn of the digital age, that birdcage has become the Internet, and Petey the Parakeet is now Google th...
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A kitten survived a plane trip halfway across the country after accidentally ending up in a suitcase. I'm extremely disturbed by this story, but not for the reasons you might think. Most people are pr...
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Here we are at week four: revving up for impending midterms, grappling with the fact we still haven't picked up our readers at Grafikart... and oblivious to the quickly approaching pass time number on...
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Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods. They are two of the most world-famous athletes of all time, yet they both share one blemish on their resumes.
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I can’t help but be amused by the fact that yesterday’s Nexus opinion page ran a story about how to beat drug tests on the very same page as James Baron’s letter to the editor compla...
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Nothing I've written has been as well received as the sports column I wrote that analyzed the best names in college football. Names like Sen'Derrick Marks and Lucious Pusey. I originally planned on ta...
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All too frequently do I attend parties in Isla Vista where I leave disappointed. Not for the most common reasons - a tapped keg, a shortage of ladies, a persistently obnoxious doorman or an excruciati...
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I am angry with the United States government for harboring the single greatest terrorist this nation has ever seen: Tom Brady.
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Dear Weatherprofessors, Due to the unusual amount of rain, I will not be attending classes until further notice. I realize that my absence will be missed, particularly in my [class name removed by edi...
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Stale urine trickled down the inside of his leg a drop at a time, eventually soaking the black dress socks he'd just bought that morning. He would have laughed if it wasn't for the tension in the offi...
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Eric Frimpong has been convicted of rape. This comes as no surprise to anyone with half a brain. The evidence against him was overwhelming: teeth marks consistent with his on the victim's face, witnes...
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I don’t like blackjack. I’ve never played craps in my life. I’m not a fan of Celine Dion, Barry Manilow or any other semiretired headliner at Caesars Palace. However, there is one re...
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A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
The angel that has definitely never gone out
The literal devil
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
